Body positivity: The latest trend in Shame.

We’ve all come a long way from where we started.

Gone are the days where you see people telling you ‘how you have to look like to be loved’ and that ‘you just starve yourself for a few more days so that you’ll fit into a dress size’.

Today, we’ve truly managed to create something that could have been beautiful: Acceptance. Empowerment. Confidence. Freedom.

But somewhere along the way, we’ve gotten caught up in our heads and gone down the wrong road. A single blunder has changed everything.


People have started asking: if you truly loved your body, why would you want it to change?

That wouldn’t make sense.

A fairly simple, innocent question, really.

But there’s something far more menacing at work here. Shame.

Shame has found itself yet another expression, hiding behind banners that cry out messages of self-love.

All of a sudden, it’s scandalous to say that you aren’t content with your body.

The minute it gets out, you’re trampled and suffocated with claims of how you’re a traitor to women all around the world, how you’re a disgrace to yourself.

Even worse are the unwanted counsel and advice on how you should ‘just’ love yourself and accept who you are.

So, I’ll say it now:

No, I’m not one of those people who work out for the love of sweat or for good health and strength. I work out to look good. 

No, I didn’t eat that salad for dinner because I absolutely loved it. I ate the salad because I wanted to drop a few pounds.

No, I’m not content with my body. I want to be more toned and I want to be, gasp, leaner. Maybe these thoughts aren’t acceptable, but I won’t lie to myself by saying things I don’t mean.


I’m tired of excusing myself and my actions to people.

It’s exhausting, the lying to yourself, lying to everyone around you, thinking of excuses, worrying about being convincing enough, being someone you aren’t.

I’m sick and tired of it.

I used to feel like I’m doing something wrong by thinking these thoughts, that there must be something wrong with me if I can’t accept myself the way I am.

And those feelings are as damaging as thinking that you are too fat to be pretty.

This isn’t a question of insecurity or self-hatred.

Yes, I do love myself. I love my body, I love my personality and I know that I deserve to be loved by someone else too.

But I’m not going to say that I love that extra layer of flab over my stomach or that I love those 10 pounds that I want to lose or that I love that I sometimes walk like a frog.

Because I don’t love all of that. They are a part of me and I simply don’t. And if you do, that’s great. I’ll admire and respect you for that. But I don’t.

It’s a personal thing.

I want to change it.

And that doesn’t make me any less lovable.


At the end of the day, I want to be able to whatever I want to do without the shame, without the lies, without the excuses.

Because isn’t that what all of this is about?

Body-positivity, feminism, self-love, self-care, all of it, on a basic level is about owning your actions and doing whatever it is that you want.

And if you’re going to shame me for doing what I want to do under this very aegis, then what is the point in all of this?

Shame has merely found another incarnation, an even crueller one at that. Because now, it’s covered up in this sickly sweet façade of self-love.

Before, people walked up to me and said that I needed to lose a few pounds so that I can be ‘healthy’. Now, people walk up to me and say that I need to stop wanting to lose weight so that I can be ‘body-positive’.

There is no difference. Either way, I’m judged and shamed for something I’m doing and then pressurized to do something I don’t want to do.

We’re at the exact same place and no one realizes it.


When will we ever find that balance? Will we ever reach that place where we stop shaming other people for their actions and judging them?

Because maybe this is just a part of human nature, maybe we’re intrinsically programmed to pull each other down.

I don’t know.

But what I do know is that I’m done.

I’m done being someone who I’m not.

I’m done acting like someone else just because of the latest trend going around.

The only trend that ever sticks around is shame and what I have learnt is that it simply isn’t worth it.

All that time you spent thinking of lies, delivering them, explaining yourself to people, explaining your actions to yourself: it’s not worth it.

From this moment, I am going to be unflinchingly honest with myself: whether it’s working out to look better or eating a salad to lose weight.

And I’m going to it without feeling bad or regretting it.

It’s a good life.

Who’s with me?

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168 thoughts on “Body positivity: The latest trend in Shame.

Add yours

  1. Change is (should be) delicate, subtle; done with thought and care. Unfortunately, shifts in zeitgeist are usually accelerated by the loudest screamers (read, loudest tantrum throwers), which, today, means the youth, who, in their zeal, inherently lack the subtly and nuance to make the distinction between shifts and opposites. The perils of all or nothing thinking. And, in turn, they are fed by consumerism, in its lust to surf the money wave. Who then only make the screams louder, in their “cool” commercialization. The vicious, tornadic cycle of acceleration. And we’d be remiss to forget the hangers on, who want to appear cool and young and relevant, who may be – or have been at one point in their careers – just respectable enough to bring clout to the outrage.

    You’re absolutely right to take control. 🤔 Appears I could’ve said all that in six words…

    Btw, I don’t know what walking like a frog looks like, but I may be in love with it 🙂

    Liked by 8 people

    1. I’ll definitely agree but if it’s one thing I’ve discovered over the years, it’s that the latest generation, though hot-headed and quick to act before thinking, usually have the freshest and most relevant ideas to offer
      I think it’s not the idea that is the problem- body-positivity is definitely something the world needed- but the way the world responded to it by taking it to the extreme.
      At first, the movement was pure and something beautiful but it was misunderstood later on to become something that shamed
      I hope we’re able to bring back the original meaning of the movement and find our balance though I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon.
      Like you said, we’re always teetering on the edge of that all or nothing cliff and we never seem to be able to back away.
      It’s somewhat of a quandary: the newest generation acts too fast while the older generations won’t bring in change at all… who then, will we trust?

      And as for the walking like a frog thing, it’s something like pointing your feet out so they are perpetually kept in the shape of a V… very uncomfortable and looks like you’re slightly drunk all the time. 😉 Unfortunately, it also seems to be genetic.
      But if you love it, then I’m no one to object… by all means, walk on ❤

      Liked by 6 people

    2. Haha… don’t worry, I’m washing my hands of it and I’ll give you all rights of ownership to do as you please with it.
      From this point on in history, the walk is yours to customize.
      I trust you’ll treat it well and give it the respect and admiration it deserves. 😉

      Liked by 4 people

  2. Thank you for writing this!!! I’m totally with you on everything you said in this post! There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to make positive changes in our lives, especially when you personally feel you need to make that change to feel happy. 😊 Awesome and encouraging post! 👏

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thanks for reading ❤
      I'm so glad you feel this way!
      I wasn't really sure on how this post would be received by the world since body-positivity is such a huge deal today and it warms my heart that there's so many of you who are willing to think beyond the social norms…
      Comments like these are what encourages me to keep writing with my heart, so thank you! ❤

      Liked by 3 people

    2. I’m really glad you wrote this, because people need to know that self love doesn’t have to mean settling for what we don’t love and lying to ourselves. You delivered this message beautifully, Natalie! You’re very welcome! 💖🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m with you! This hit the idea on the head. You’ve said it all, and so have others, loved it. Glad you commented on my post so I could find you – I’ll definitely be sticking around!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you for the lovely words…
      I’m glad the piece resonated with you.
      Comments like these are what pushes me to get back to my desk and continue to write so thank you for that ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  4. So very true! You explained this perfectly. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who often feels that this “body positivity” hurts as well as encourages, especially with it being considered so shocking and wrong when you’re not entirely happy with your body. Well said!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you so much! ❤
      I'm glad this resonated with you…
      I must say, I've been pleasantly surprised that quite a lot of you are willing to look beyond social barriers and approach new thoughts with an open-mind…
      Maybe the world isn't so bad after all 😉

      Liked by 2 people

  5. We are all so conditioned by society on what is “good” and “Bad”, “right” and “wrong” — but reality is so much bigger and more beautiful and sweet than that.

    I love your writing and ideas – on how to rise above all this to freedom. Thank you, please keep sharing! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree… people seem to completely ignore this aspect of the movement and I personally believe that this is the very crux of the idea.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts… it really means a lot to me! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly, Mark. I couldn’t have said it better.
      Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts…
      It really means a lot to me ❤

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha, true.
      Most of the trends that come up never stay true to the original message. I recently read a post on how feminism has taken a completely different turn from its original tenor and surprisingly found myself agreeing.
      I guess trends are trends. They’ll come and go and you can’t really trust them. Sort of scary how much they affect our lives though.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Feminism (I think they’re calling it 3rd wave now) is really “out there” anymore. And I hope some of the current trends do go away…some are destroying our society, pitting us against each other.

      Liked by 3 people

    3. Exactly…
      But as soon as one trend fades away, another one is ushered in
      And it always seems to be getting worse and worse each time 😦

      Liked by 3 people

  6. Hear, hear!
    Surprise surprise, something we’re told is for our own good actually serves to keep us worried about what society wants us to do/be/look like. I don’t know why women keep falling for these things, we need to come together, agree that we aren’t going to believe the zeitgeist when it tells us whatever we are doing for ourselves is wrong, and go about our business without judging each other. I especially agree that this kind of thing keeps us competing with each other, it’s an old, old trick to keep us from rocking the boat.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. And we fall for it each time…
      I completely agree with everything you’ve said
      A world where there’s absolutely no judgement and a society where we can come together and support each other: sounds like a fairy-tale
      But somehow, I doubt we’ll ever be free of shame and judgement; it just seems too good to be true
      We can only not let ourselves get affected by it…

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts!
      It really means a lot to me ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  7. It seems so false to tell someone struggling that “They are perfect the way they are” because no we are not perfect the way we are! There is something about our lives that is not how we want it! Better to hear that, hey, maybe you’re a miserable wretch, and maybe a lot of it is your fault, but look, you can do something about that. That seems to me to be more accurate, more helpful, and perhaps more difficult to heed.

    Great insight on this topic!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Haha true…
      I couldn’t have said it better
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts! ❤

      Like

    1. I’m so glad it resonated with you, Moana! ❤
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m with you. If there’s something I’m against (actually, there are a lot of things I’m against) it’s trendism. If you’re fat, you need to lose weight. It’s unhealthy and in a world where so many people don’t get enough to eat, it’s vaguely obscene. Sod the being proud to be myself clap trap. If you lost weight you’d still be yourself, wouldn’t you? Or are you saying that your (fat) body has reached its optimum shape (fat) and should never be asked to change? And the people who complain that you’re taking up two seats on the bus/plane should be ashamed of themselves? I’m also a bit sniffy about anorexia. It’s funny you don’t find any anorexic Eritreans or Sudanese… We should learn to get a grip, and to stop confusing anything goes with feminism. ANd don’t get me onto wearing a niqab being empowering or I might just bite your head off 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Haha, I am in complete agreement with everything you’ve said.
      Honestly, I just finished re-reading your comment thrice (Shhhh….) feeling like a complete loser because this is the point where I should have something really witty to say to you that would make for a compelling argument, but I have nothing else to add to that. Absolutely nothing.
      You just swept right in and stole my thunder, didn’t you? (In the best way)

      I’m just going to step back right now and let your words do the talking. This should be a post by itself and I wouldn’t be doing it justice if I said anything else.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts on this (though I might be just a little resentful 😉 )

      Kudos, Jane! Looking forward to seeing you around ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    2. It was fun! I like mouthing off about this kind of thing, but don’t dare do it on my own blog 🙂 I’ll argue the hind leg off a donkey, but I hate the outright abuse the slightest whiff of controversy attracts from trolls. I’m hiding behind the sofa as I type this…

      Liked by 2 people

  9. The biggest thing is doing what makes you happy. I spent so many years trying to please others that even when I was thin I didn’t feel like I was and certainly didn’t feel like I was, or good enough either. There is a lot of mob mentally out there nowadays and you are damned if you do and damned if you don’t. I learned to take my power back and not care what the mob wants. If you want to be thin be thin. You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Just be happy.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Congratulations to you for warding off the negative comments. I honestly had no idea that today’s commentary was of such a nature. In the end, I do think it all comes down to doing what makes “you” feel comfortable. Afterall, it is YOUR body — not theirs.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly… I’m glad my piece resonated with you
      Thank you so much for reading and sharing your thoughts! ❤

      Like

  11. Every movements gets the dark side to it, which is so common now a days.

    It’s true, excercise if you want to. Do whatever that makes you feel good.

    I think, Body positivity is about not giving a damn if anyone points out any ‘defect’ of your body which never displeased you before.

    🌸

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly, I completely agree…
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts! ❤

      Like

  12. I’m totally with you on this one. Thank you for being honest. And thank you for reminding me that body positivity is actually about how I perceive and feel about my body, not what others or the society think how it should be. Sometimes it’s hard to admit that I want to lose a few pounds just because I don’t want to be seen as the public enemy-someone who refuses the progress of body positivity movement-which is clearly not the case. I want to be part of the movement, but everyone’s perception, methods, and goals are different, so again, I think it’s up to us to make a meaning of this whole idea and movement. In the end, our happiness, needs, and wellbeing should come first.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly… I completely agree.
      I’m glad my words resonated with you.
      Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts! ❤
      It means a lot to me.

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I say let them think what they want. You know what you want and that’s all that needs to matter. Nothing wrong with self-improvement of mind or body. Who is anyone to judge or decide how you should think? Keep on living and thinking for yourself!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reading and taking the time to appreciate, Munira! ❤
      I'm glad my piece resonated with you…

      Like

  14. You really hit the nail on the head. I’ve never been able to articulate this feeling of shame in body-positivity, and you’ve done a really good job dissecting it. Thanks for your words.
    You mentioned briefly in the post that you wonder if “…maybe this is just a part of human nature, maybe we’re intrinsically programmed to pull each other down.” There’s an old (proverb?) story my mom used to tell me: a crab in a basket will just crawl right out. But if you put two crabs in the basket, when one tries to crawl out, the other will pull it back down. I think the thing to do is surround yourself with good, like-minded crabs, so you can all escape together, or to really try to understand what your basket is (depression, self-depreciation) and make sure nobody is holding your in there.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m so glad my post resonated with you… thank you so much for your kind words, your comment made my day! ❤
      Hmm, I've heard that one too…
      I completely agree, but if you've already gotten yourself into the proverbial basket, there's not much you can do but hope, is there?
      Thanks again for reading and taking the time to share your thoughts… it means a lot to me! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  15. This is a wonderful perspective! While I advocate for self-love, I do agree with what you saying. Change is a beautiful thing, even for vanity reasons. Doing things that make you feel better about yourself can change the tone of your whole year. And, I hate feeling ashamed. The worst feeling ever.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly…
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts! It means a lot to me! ❤

      Like

  16. I totally agree. I had a similar experience getting used to my body after babies. Whenever I said that I was sad about the shape of my boobs, all anyone wanted to do was insist I was still beautiful and I could still love them. They’re friggun Salvador Dali melting clocks. I spent a lot of time getting to love my body, feel attractive with it, overcome all the messages that I wasn’t good enough, and then I had a kid and my body up and changed dramatically on me and no one told me that it was okay to be upset about that, just that I was still beautiful, should still love my body.
    A book finally did tell me that it was okay to grieve over the loss of a body I knew and loved to this melting clock thing I had now. And sure, now I can get to the point where I like my body just fine, now that I had a chance to grieve. Of course I’m still beautiful. But I still liked my youthful bosom better than mom bosom and I don’t appreciate anyone telling me I shouldn’t do that.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Exactly. I just wish more people understood this… often, being told to think in a certain way and not being able to do that is more damaging than the thoughts themselves.
      I’m glad you got that…
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your story! ❤
      It really means a lot to me…

      Liked by 2 people

  17. I so rarely comment on things like this, but I have to here. I LOVE make-up, but am told over and over again that my notions of femininity have not advanced beyond the old notions. I work on my body and image and am told I need to just be myself. I am told that evil old male artists that painted lovely nudes were nothing more than dastardly male fantasies that kept women down… while I have instigated topless photos of myself! There seems to be a lot of misunderstanding about what feminism was meant to do… it was meant to give us a choice NEVER to tell us which choices to make!

    I have consciously created myself, my look, my persona, and for me there is nothing phony or anti-feminist about my love of cosmetics and style, I am not only being myself, I am actively creating myself. I think most of the people who tell me to be myself have never really worked very hard to figure out what self means beyond adhering to some limited ideology that tells them what their self should be.

    Cosmetics, style, my sexuality… are all aspects of self expression, conscious acts of self creation.

    Am I angry? Perhaps, what I am is damn sick of being told who to be by the very people who think they have broken the mold. Perhaps they have broken a mold, but all they have done is create a new mold, and have tried to force all women into it. Well… sorry, but I don’t like your fucking mold, thank you!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Exactly. I completely agree. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
      And what’s even more frustrating is that you can’t even talk back to arguments like these, because they represent, or once represented, things that were important to society.
      I’m so glad you finally realized that you don’t have to fit into ANY mould or label. And anyone who thinks otherwise should keep their opinions to themselves.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, Justine!
      I really appreciate it ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for reading my post and taking the time to share your thoughts on it, Emily! ❤
      That really means a lot to me…
      I'm so glad there are more people out there who can relate to this and this isn't just me out there.
      I really hope we can learn to be more accepting of ourselves and our actions in the future… we can only hope. ❤

      Like

  18. After reading these comments I feel empowered to say some things I have not felt free to say.

    Firstly, this “body positivity” thing was a good idea at first, but now I m seeing it as a dangerous part of American “slob culture,” a culture in which so many wear crocs and go out in pajamas. A culture in which we feel entitled to “thumbs ups” and “likes” for our every half-ass effort. I teach art, and the students are so used to being told their rotten work is good because our culture celebrates lousy childish art. A culture where transwomen don’t want to shave their faces but want to be called women. A culture where we don’t want to make any real effort but want to be called “beautiful.” We are turning into 5 year-olds who feel they deserve to be patted on the back and encouraged for NOTHING, for no effort.

    If you want to be an artist, learn to fucking draw. If you want to be a woman, do the hard work. If you want to be beautiful, make the damn effort!

    It might be good for our egos in the short term to be back patted, but in the long run we are creating a culture that lacks craftsmanship and mastery, a culture of people who will no longer strive or reach beyond the lowest point in which they have settled. This whole way of thinking has gone from liberating to downright dangerous.

    I think we are on the decline in not only the loud obvious ways, but in the subtlest ways as well.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I agree, with the fact that we’re expecting approval for the smallest deeds, and feel offended when we don’t get it… maybe we’ve been coddled into thinking that the world owes us something; which is definitely hurting our success.
      Being ‘worthy of praise’ and truly ‘earning it’ are not the same thing, and I think that’s what most of us don’t seem to get…

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Natalie,
    i LOVE this! We are a society of extremes, and no balance! I agree, we can love ourselves without needing to love every little thing about ourselves! We NEVER arrive! We MUST always keep striving to be better in whatever way we see that we need improvement!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Exactly. I couldn’t have said it better myself.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts, Shanshe! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

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    Like

  21. Great post! And great points about why some of us exercise and order that boring salad.
    So if a mole grows on my nose, am I supposed to love it?
    I agree with you that feminism should be here to show us we have options, not to tell us what to do.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Hey I love this good job. I love people who write about things that matter. I am actually doing a project on body shaming and I was wondering if you are interested being involved with the project. And keep writing the stuff you write it’s amazing. Hope you can check out my blog because you might like it. And please let me know if you are interested in this project.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Amna!
      I’m so glad you liked it ❤
      As for the project, why don't you contact me through my 'Divulge your thoughts' page?
      I'll definitely get back to you as soon as possible.

      Like

  23. Totally agree with this thought process. Every time I say a no to a dessert or fried food dish, I am looked at by others as if I come from another planet. My body, my health, my decision.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, so true. It’s as though it’s a personal insult to them when you refuse and the weirdest part is, it makes you feel guilty in the end.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here, Era! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Reminds me of the time when i was but a wee child and my mother would shame me for not eating everything on my plate. “There are starving children in India would give anything just to have your scraps!” she would say and try to make me eat everything whether I was full or didn’t like the taste.

      I remember thinking, “Then send this off to India so i don’t have to eat it.” as I smuggled it under the table to the family dog.

      Liked by 2 people

  24. This is a good post. Speaking as a fat person, I am accepting that I may never get to my ideal weight that my doctor would prefer me at, but I really hate the idea that I’m not “loving myself” if I am not ignoring the reality that my weight isn’t healthy. The reality is that you can like yourself and love yourself but not embrace your every flaw as a positive. Frankly it was never my *weight* that made me feel body shamed, it was that I am that rare breed of Celtic white that is super “never get a tan” white and spent my whole childhood hiding in the shade while my family mused about what was wrong with me and why did I burn while they tanned golden brown? Talk about a complex…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha, been there, not pretty.

      Exactly… it’s as though accepting that you want to change something about yourself is a personal offence to everyone else who has that certain feature. And you’re the one who ends up feeling guilty about in the end.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here! Really means a lot ❤

      Like

  25. YES!!! YES!!!!! I am with you on this. Aaahhh it drives me crazy. I am waiting for the trend where people will just let others be, rather that force them one way or the other. A nice, heartfelt suggestion is always welcome, but shame because you want to change, or because you are happy and you don’t, is just plain wrong

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly… that would be a good one, wouldn’t it? But somehow, I doubt its ever going to come around: all these trends seem to be majorly centred on all the possible ways you could invade somebody else’s personal life. 😦

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I know! And most often than not those who judge are just trying to impose their own issues on the person they judge. Besides, if you are happy with who you are, I mean TRULY happy, and you meet someone who is not… why getting so upset about it? Why forcing “body positivity” down other people’s throat like some sort of religious cult? If it doesn’t come from within the person, it won’t certainly happen because someone kept annoying the hell with it (and I know for a fact since I’m one of those at the receiving end of this imposed self-love mania who ended up hating herself more!)

      Liked by 1 person

  26. So happy about this post. Wonderful thoughts, wonderful for saying them. Wonderful for being honest.
    The pressure has switched- We no longer have to be a pretty princess… We must instead be warriors. Smart, Strong, Kind, Good, Tough, and Confident. Definitely confident. You can *maybe* be a pretty princess if you want… but do make sure you’re a spunky one.” We certainly are a culture motivated by shame. 😦 And you’re so right- We’ve gotta end the delusions.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha soo true. The pressure is real. We’ve simply scraped off one stereotype and replaced it with another.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here! It really means a lot ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  27. I just don’t understand people who take it upon themselves to tell other people what they should do. I mean, if I wasn’t sure whether losing weight would make me healthier or more attractive or more comfortable, I’d ask, right? And I’d ask someone whose opinion I valued – IF I were in any doubt as to the answer. It blows me away how many people find it necessary to tell me things about my own brain and body – as though I might somehow have missed it.

    Like

  28. You just made me think about body positivity in a totally different way. I am all about being body positive but I do struggle to lose weight. But I am not trying to lose weight for anyone else, I am doing it for me because it will make ME happier. People will tell me I am perfect the way I am and that I need to be more body positive but why can’t I be body positive and also want to lose weight to look and feel better about myself? This post spoke to me on so many levels. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly what I was trying to get at. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here! It really means a lot ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  29. Hi Natatie! Firstly I’ll like to thank you for your like on my post over on my blog Great Matter.
    Secondly, I would like to say that I totally agree with what you’re saying. Shame has surrounded me in many ways since I was raped, and I can now too say that I am no longer allowing it to control me. I sincerely hope and wish that more people (not just women) will stop lying about themselves and feel like they have to defend themselves against other people and their opinions. Through my short journey to recovery I’ve found that honesty is freedom.
    In more ways than one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. First off, thank you so much for reading and sharing your story over here… it takes a lot to be that vulnerable and put yourself out there like that and I’m so, so glad you could find it in yourself to put it behind you and move forward.
      I definitely agree with that… lying to yourself is exhausting after a while, though it’s certainly more convenient in the short run. There’s a sort of freedom, a lightness, that you experience when you just acknowledge everything about you, faults and all, no judgement, don’t you think?

      Like

    2. I agree. I’ve been lying to myself for tree years now about the reality of my situation and now that I’m facing it, I can move forward. It’s definitely not fun and it’s very painful, but it’s necessary in order to reach that place of freedom and healing.

      Liked by 1 person

  30. The older I get the more I think that life is about becoming as fully ‘you’ as possible. To hell with social expectations, when all is said and done the one person you can truly rely on in life is yourself, so best to focus on being the best you that you can be.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Love this. You are so right; no matter what you do, there is always going to be someone telling you why you’re wrong to do it (or why your motives are incorrect). It may just be human nature to do so. Until we can learn to set aside time every day to go within and pay attention to what WE want and need at that moment, nothing we do will ever be enough.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here! It really means a lot ❤

      Like

  32. I agree with this 100% And it isn’t for women too. Where I am from there is this notion that men should eat everything. Than men following a strict diet or exercising to look better somehow lose a bit of their masculinity. Social norms are exhausting. And kudos to you for not taking that kind of crap.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Definitely true.
      I feel like there’s this entire ‘effortless’ trend going on for quite a while now: effortless beauty, effortlessly thin, the effortless ‘messy bun’ that actually takes an hour to get right.
      Men have to ‘effortlessly’ look fit, because its somehow part of their masculinity, encoded in their genes. Anything else is simply not acceptable.
      You’re right about it being exhausting, keeping up with the newest lies, and aligning your life to match them…

      Like

  33. I love this. Be true to yourself.
    Over the last few years I have lost 45 pounds. I now lead an active lifestyle and eat healthily. I have never loved myself more.
    I still have haters, but I actually care less about what they think of me now then I did then. Today I feel like my mind needs to drop some 45 pounds of excess weight like my body did. I am working on acceptance, gratitude and consistent, relentless positivity.
    Good luck with your journey. Feel free to connect with me if you’d like.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Wow, thank you. This is the missing link that I’ve been looking for — shame has found a new way to judge amongst our new acceptance era. If you aren’t tolerant and accepting then you’re a heathen; which is basically just another way of judgement and intolerance but done so in a way that the judge believes they have the better moral compass to do so over very little information. Quite insidious really.

    Good post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly. It’s amazing, really, how much we’re being manipulated in our day to day lives to act or think in a certain way… really makes you wonder whether free-will even exists.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts! It really means a lot ❤️

      Like

  35. There’s only ever (R) EVER just one person in this whole world that you have to impress, Nat.

    It’s also the the only person you can’t hide from or successfully lie to, no?

    So do it all for that one and that one alone—the rest, as they say, can go suck eggs. (Bad eggs. Reeeeeeally bad eggs.)
    And if anyone at all is judgemental, take the time to ponder their motives—you’ll find often that they are less than altruistic. Quite the opposite, in fact.

    I say again with a clear conscience that the only opinion of ME that I care about is mine — why is that? Am I the ultimate deluded narcissist? (If so … YAY~!) (I always wanted to be the best at something!)

    And now to finish reading your post …

    Liked by 2 people

  36. Finished … Well Done, You~!!!

    Dress (in all respects) to please yourself. If you no longer fit in then your companions are concerned more with themselves than you. Flush ’em.

    And don’t attempt to justify yourself … as Admiral of the Fleet Lord Fisher famously said:

    “Never apologise, never explain!”

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Very well said. Society jumps from one end to another and condemns both sides equally in the span of only a few years. I’m glad you are doing what makes YOU happy, and I’m sure “they” will have something to say about even that but until then, to answer your last question, I am with you! lol.

    Reminds me that I need to work out right now.. lol!

    Liked by 2 people

  38. Very nice. I’m going to share this. I am big on body positivity. (Perhaps a bit different approach to it from you.)

    When I was young, I lifted weights and ran because I liked what i saw when I stood naked in front of the mirror. Is that narcissism? You bet! It is a *healthy* narcissism, loving yourself in a way that doesn’t affect how you felt about anyone else. Love your being regardless of current state but be willing to entertain the possibility of personal improvement. ( Just don’t obsess!)

    You will get old. Your body fat will rearrange. Wrinkles will set in. Hair will turn white and thin a bit. Stuff will sang and bodily functions will become less efficient. You will tire out more easily and may have some serious surgical scars. Keep on loving your body. Keep being the best “you” that is practical. You wouldn’t stop loving your husband or best friend because they grew old, would you? Then there is no reason to stop loving your own body either.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I completely agree. But the entire idea that ‘not being content with your current self and wanting to improve is an indicator of low self-worth’ is just bullshit. I do understand however that somethings, you just can’t control, like old age or a genetic feature, and in those cases, I figure the only way out is to accept it as part of who you are. Loving you body on the whole doesn’t have to mean that you love that you can’t move as fast anymore, or that your skin isn’t as smooth. The wrinkles are a part of you, as is a lower efficiency, and that acceptance is enough.
      Thoughts?

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I’m probably not a good person to comment, I’m a 62 yo man who likes to run around naked as much as possible. (Check out my avatar and my blog.) I like what I see in the mirror today for different reasons than I did a couple decades ago. Back then I liked my aesthetics. Everything functioned perfectly but I never gave that aspect a second thought. It was a given.

      Today I like its functionality. And with the extra thickness around the waist, the greying hair, the wrinkles and the baggy eyes, I am still delighted by my body. Many people have far less functionality and health than I and lose it at much younger ages. I can’t do the Pacific Crest Trail any more but I can do short sections of it. Like Tennyson said….

      Tho’ much is taken, much abides; and tho’
      We are not now that strength which in old days
      Moved earth and heaven, that which we are, we are;

      But I don’t see any difference between fine tuning a body for aesthetic reasons and buying nice clothing or washing your car or taking a shower when you stink. It isn’t a matter of being insecure. More it is a matter of wanting to be the best you can be and, among other things, that includes aesthetics. Some mighty call it vanity, others narcissism, others insecurity resulting from low self-esteem.

      I’m going to climb up on my soap box and shout, “Three cheers for vanity! Hooray for narcissism!” (In moderation, of course!) Without it, you would wear dirty cloth rags for clothing, your hair would be a permanent rat’s nest, you’d stink, have bad breath and dirt under broken untrimmed finger nails. You’d belch and fart without restraint and dinner would be like a panther ripping apart a dead zebra. Not a life I’d find interesting nor would I want to live with such a person.

      I’m sure people try to compensate for being weak in one area by becoming strong in another. ***That isn’t a bad thing if you also try to work on the weak side as well.*** Playing to ones strength is a fundamental rule in ANY system.

      People who are insecure in an area may become obsessive about building it up. A person can become obsessed with their looks, fretting and fussing at the vanity, dieting to an unhealthy point, dropping money they don’t really have on expensive clothing and even going under the knife. Such a person does NOT like their body. Unlike someone like me – and I think you – who likes their body but may just want to tweak it here and there. They think their body is broken and no amount of repair will ever satisfy.

      People who have an agenda can’t see past the agenda to understand there are many reasons to want to “look” better. Low self esteem might be in there but then so is high self esteem, the belief in one’s potential and a desire to live up to it.

      Liked by 1 person

  39. Yesss!!! 🙌 Sing it sister. I feel the same way. I looked at myself one day in the mirror and said “Damn, I would not want to have sex with me.” I just didn’t feel good in my own skin. But that’s for me to know and me to work on it if I want to. And I did! I lost 30 pounds, my goal is 40.

    I have the utmost respect for curvier women who love themselves and their bodies. Their smiles tell it all. That makes me so happy for them. If I’m being honest sometimes I am a bit envious.

    Everybody has an opinion these days, and I have to take it with a grain of salt.

    I absolutely love this post though. Everyone just needs to do their own thing when it comes to their own body.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly. I feel the same, what with being envious of people who are perfectly content with where they are, but knowing that I’ll get there someday makes it easier. They’ve arrived at their destination, I’m still on the road, it makes no sense to compare both our levels of contentment.

      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here! It really means a lot ❤

      Like

  40. Coming from a “nudist” (I hate that word.) background, body positivity there is a huge issue. Some people are afraid of complementing someone for losing 80 lbs because it implies they weren’t perfect even before losing the weight.

    You can be very unhappy about your weight or some other aspect and want to change it *because* you love your body.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. With you 100%. I do try and “let go” of what I can’t change. Ex: I was in amazing shape this summer from hiking daily. Now I”m teaching during the day and don’t have the time to do it first thing in the morning. So I walk at night. And I don’t look as fit and tone. And I don’t like it. But I do accept it. 🙂 Nice post!

    Liked by 1 person

  42. I am really so happy to find someone feeling something just as me . I had been holding this for so long. Body positivity is really misunderstood in such culture ,yet we try our best to hold on into it

    Liked by 1 person

  43. I am with you, Natalie! Yay! I’m ashamed I don’t have a better way to say how much I love what you’ve said and how you’ve said it (a great read). OK, my being ashamed thing here is kidding. I’m shamelessly happy to say I don’t care that I don’t have the right, non-fattening 140 characters, I’m just saying what I gotta say! And that’s Yay!

    I almost never reblog anything. Thank you for being a great exception.

    Please consider printing a thousand copies of this post to scatter in bathrooms, laundromats and gyms.

    And by the way, YAY!

    Liked by 2 people

  44. This is such a nuanced topic, if I tried to write about it I would get lost in my own mixed metaphors and half of it would be in all caps, lol. Shame is a death sentence, good for you for fighting back, finding your peace with yourself, regardless of if it’s body positive or whatever.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, aggressive is good! I think a lot of times, women will write something thinking “screw it, I’m going to be mean and nasty and say whatever the hell I want,” and that will be one of the truest things they ever write. For once, we aren’t putting our thoughts and feelings through the Patriarchy Filter. If the message is angry or aggressive, it’s not a misstep made by the speaker, it’s a rational response to irrational expectations.
      Anyway, rambling. See, this would be my problem if I tried to write about this. The gist: I loved the post (: Idk if you’d be interested at all, but I wrote a somewhat related article about acne (hi, I have it and society is a major wad about it)

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Mmm I definitely agree… I simply love the way you put it: “a rational response to irrational expectations” ❤️
      Ooh acne, I’m with you there… I’m simply loving how much inclusivity and tolerance we’re (slowly) building up when it comes to beauty standards, but I just wish that change reflected in our everyday lives… it seems like acne is only acceptable when it’s on the newest celebrity, but definitely a no-go on “normal” off-screen people, which really isn’t doing the society any favours.
      I’ll definitely check it out, thanks!

      Like

    3. Ugh, yes! They pretend it’s all fine by showcasing someone famous who has acne or whatever, but then the advertising doesn’t change and you never actually see that celebrity’s acne outside of paparazzi shots or special messages about acne. No one in movies has acne unless it’s to make them look ugly or gross. And then they send out all that fake positive crap so we feel insane for disliking our acne.

      The beauty industry gaslights women, and that’s that on that.

      Liked by 1 person

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