Faceless

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It all started as a game.

For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been a people-watcher.

As a child, I would watch people for hours before even attempting to talk to them.

I’d scrutinize how you spoke. What you wore. When you laughed. What you liked. Whom you talked to.

I would watch and watch, try to figure out who you were. What you wanted.

And once I put together the pieces of your identity, I would form my own, making sure they clicked.

It was like a puzzle that only I could finish and it amused me to have that sort of power over you: to control exactly what you see.

But under all of that, I’d ensured that I was that girl:

The girl you want to speak to.

The girl you share all your secrets with.

The girl you like.


I flit from one person to the next, as graceful as a butterfly.

Always smiling. Always pleasing.

You come to me when you don’t have anyone else, and it’s my shoulder you cry on, it’s into my ears you whisper your darkest secrets.

I am as smooth as oil, calm as the surface of lifeless water.

I soothe. I comfort. I encourage. I motivate. I charm.

And when I’m finally alone, I laugh.

I laugh at the world, at how gullible you are, to think you know me, to trust me the way you do.

I laugh till I cry and then I cry till I can’t breathe.

The tears never end, it seems, they flow and flow relentlessly, leeching me of everything.

The real joke was on me, all along.

And I’d never realized.


I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the shadow that looks back into my eyes.

I don’t ‘like’ her.

If I was being true to myself, I would say I despise her.

I see myself wrapping my hands around her throat and squeezing until the light slowly fades from her eyes.

And then, I realize the girl is me.

The irony: I’d gained the affection of everyone else, only to realize that I couldn’t win me over too.

Alone, I’m a coward. I’m despicable. Spineless. A doormat. A hypocrite.

I morph myself to suit the people around me. My very identity is built on everyone else’s desires.

I’m no one without someone to please. Nothing without a task to complete.

And there is nothing left of ‘me’ now, of the person I could have been.

Before. Before all the masks.


When I look back, all I see is crushed dreams, and when I look forward, I see an eternity of nothingness.

But it’s what I see when I look within that truly scares me.

Underneath all my masks, I am faceless.


Photo by John Noonan on Unsplash

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387 Comments Add yours

  1. I don’t really understand but it’s nice writing. Well done.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. The Preacher says:

    Its a deeper truth..wow, you really dug in and projected the invisible. thank you.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Glad you thought so! Thank you so much for your kind words ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Micheal Atkinson says:

    Wow your metaphoric symbolism is really gripping as it actually personifies your emotions and makes them understandable and in my case relatable.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      I’m glad my piece resonated with you, Micheal… thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here! It really means a lot ❤

      Like

  4. So I have actively decided I am marrying this piece. WOW! This is amazing…probably the most accurate thing I’ve ever read. I’m officially a fan

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Haha, thank you so much! That really means a lot ❤

      Like

  5. Mohab~Warmwood says:

    Broken human who his passion is to fix another broken human ♥️

    Liked by 5 people

  6. Awesome writing Natalie; reblogging to my peeps as I think many can relate to what your saying here. (Including myself) 🙏❤️

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much, David! That really means a lot ❤

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Your welcome Natalie; keep it up, you definitely have a gift. 🙏

      Liked by 1 person

  7. JimirahLeAnn says:

    I can’t believe how much I can relate to this! One of the hardest battles is having everyone think they know you, when u don’t even know yourself

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      True…
      I’m so glad my words resonated with you! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! ❤

      Like

  8. Sweet-Things says:

    Never too late to get rid of her… 😉

    Very powerful, very well understood…

    Liked by 4 people

  9. Gimoozaabi says:

    so relatable the fact that you could put it out , it was so well written. Job well done

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much! That really means a lot ❤

      Like

  10. Dood says:

    Identity crisis, happens to me a lot that I can relate. What you said in the end, that you’re empty? Well for me I guess you can paint your face, to be whatever you want to be. You and your life is like a blank canvas where you can put any type of colour you want.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      True.
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here! It really means a lot ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  11. The reason why I hate this so much is that I can relate. The reason why I love this so much is because I am the same. No matter the order you put it in or how you arrange it we are the ones that comfort the people we know yet we remain the strangers.

    Thank you foe sharing.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      So true and beautifully said…
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here, Gabriel! I’m both glad and saddened that my words could resonate with you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. How beautiful and how adorable.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much, Shantanu! Glad you liked it ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    2. My pleasure always, Natalie

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much, Cecil! That really means a lot ❤

      Like

  13. There is such strength in your words. Please continue to write to find out who you are

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much! That really means a lot ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Thanks for such a lovely piece. Natalie…. After reading this I am getting to realise the masks I have put on to please the people around me… We all wear masks at all times and sometimes it is so frequent that we lose our real face in them.. And to note, maybe there maybe one or two human beings who know your real face in spite of the masks you have adorned…

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Mmmm thank you so much! I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
      And yes, maybe… I can only hope ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much, Michael! That really means a lot ❤

      Like

  15. Susi Bocks says:

    Wow! What an intensely honest piece. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Susu! They really mean a lot to me ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Michael33 says:

    … and yet… your writing… perhaps the only part of you unmasked before our eyes… and yet… we like what we see. Masks can never hide the light from one who “sees”…
    Thank you for sharing a part of you with us…
    Hope your day is most beautiful…

    Michael

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Michael… they really mean a lot to me!
      Lots of love! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much! ❤

      Like

  17. This is so relatable. Beautifully written .

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much, Muna! That really means a lot ❤

      Like

  18. CLMuller says:

    This resonated with me so much. The pace is perfect and the writing is so strong. This is a beautiful piece.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much for the feedback! It really means a lot to me ❤

      Like

  19. Shanshe says:

    Yes, a very beautiful piece, but yet… something about it shakes me, rattles me at my core even. Maybe because I relate and identify to some degree and then again, maybe because it scares me that I truly don’t know anyone else and maybe, I really am all alone…

    Liked by 3 people

  20. From one writer to another, that is some really good writing! I wonder if you are an INFJ personality type like me? I can really relate to the people watching thing. God bless you!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much, Ryan!
      Haha, close but I’m ISTJ 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Cool, Introverted Sensing. It has been hard being an INFJ male. My introverted intuition makes me real empathetic to the point that I quite literally feel other people deeply (your souls speak to me)…to the point of tears just from seeing hurt on somebody’s face. I don’t just listen to your words. I read your facial expressions, and I feel your soul. I also pick up on bad vibes when danger is around. INFJs are the watchers on the wall. If there is a bad guy about to hurt somebody in a crowd, I will find him. I’ve never been in a mass shooting, but if I am I will be the 6 foot 1 skinny white guy who tackles him to the ground. Am I a bit weird? Yes, yes I am. Hard growing up in America being an emotional guy too. I was always told I was the nice guy and sensitive or too sensitive (hated that one). Doesn’t bother me now at age 40. I’m thankful God made me this way, and we all should be glad for who we are. We all have gifts that work together. I only know one other guy (best bud out in Jersey) who is an INFJ and we are both anomalies in this world. I like your style Natalie Swift, keep rockin’! Blessings!

      Liked by 3 people

    3. Natalie Swift says:

      Haha I can definitely relate to that, though I can’t say I’ve gone through the same things you have. For me, it was more of those weird looks you get when you tell your friends you’d rather sit with a book at home rather than go out with them. Or when you can’t stay in a social situation for more than a few hours at a time. It used to really bother me then, and it still does, just a bit, now, but I’m getting there.

      Thank you so much, Ryan! You too! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  21. I understand ‘that game’ when they gave you the reaction you expected. But when they don’t it is slightly annoying and somewhat challenging. I’ve always pride myself in able to look underneath people, figuring out their motive, but sometimes when I meet those with the purest intentions, I more often than not get blind-sided by my own selfish judgements. And yes, below all these masks, when no one is there for me to be someone, I became no one. It is pretty depressing…Thank you for writing it in words, I could never accurately put down.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      I can definitely relate to everything you’ve said. It’s almost eerie, how accurate it is…
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here! It really means a lot ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  22. First time visiting, and I already falling in love with your writing. You gain one more follower!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much, Sofia! That really means a lot ❤

      Like

  23. tabbyrenelle says:

    Hi, maybe you’d be interested to check out Lauren Raine’s masks of the goddess. And read about the making of them and the dancers and the archetypes to find out another reason for your “masks”… and how you can tap into many aspects and energies you do have within you… to empower your creative self? Anyhow… they are so varied and beautiful, I hope you have fun looking at them regardless and see what they draw out in each person, rather than hide.

    https://www.masksofthegoddess.com/workshops.html

    I’m still a new reader of your work, but it’s always interesting when i do! 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Jason Hudson says:

    Nice writing. Easy to read. Gripping. Relatable.

    Liked by 3 people

  25. Eliza says:

    This brought me to tears with it’s relatability…
    Thank you for sharing it.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much, Eliza! That really means a lot to me ❤

      Like

  26. myhatisbrown says:

    Amazing writing. And scary.
    ‘I’m no one without someone to please. Nothing without a task to complete’ – I’ve always felt that i was fairly independent, but when i read this, the word independent seems quite hollow now – revealed all the masks I actually had on. Your meaningful writing, has helped me think deeper about myself. I’m hooked on to you blog. Thank you

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      I’m so glad my piece resonated with you! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment! It really means a lot ❤

      Like

  27. Luna Hope Thomsen says:

    Girl.. i don’t know what to say
    I am speechless

    Liked by 5 people

  28. mindofcha says:

    It’s in words! This pretty much voiced my feelings word for word. Your writing style is amazing!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Haha thank you so much! That really means a lot ❤

      Like

  29. Ravisingh says:

    superb post! loved it!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much, Ravisingh! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Ravisingh says:

    You are welcome any time,Natalie!

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Shakira's Rihanna says:

    Hey there! You have an amazing way of expressing wonders through beautiful words. You are a great inspiration! I love it! ♥

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much! That really means a lot ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Shakira's Rihanna says:

      You are always welcome. I love to read more from You! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  32. Priyanka says:

    Congratulations! You have been nominated for the sunshine blogger award.
    https://wp.me/p9qKGP-3Z

    Liked by 2 people

  33. sunilmdabral says:

    I really liked how it shifted from one to other emotions to show the real identity. We are all and simultaneously we are nothing. We know everyone but inside we are struggling to find ourselves.

    What a strong write up.

    Keep it up

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      True and beautifully said…
      Thank you so much for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here! It really means a lot ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  34. sunilmdabral says:

    Pleasure is mine. I would really like to read all that you have written.

    Liked by 2 people

  35. cordelialove says:

    So real, so tangible. Great post!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  36. You truly spoke to me with that text. I was that girl and sometimes I still am and I thank you for putting those thoughts and feelings out. It’s very important to speak about, what drives us mad because it what keeps us sane.
    I send you lots of love!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much, Kurze! I’m so glad my piece resonated with you ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  37. Well written and widely relatable.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much! ❤

      Like

  38. idealideas says:

    Powerful content.Really liked it 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed reading it! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    2. idealideas says:

      I write similar things at my blog.Please check it out whenever you’re free 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Natalie Swift says:

      I definitely will ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  39. Akhiz says:

    Beautifully written 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much, Akhiz! ❤

      Like

  40. twooccasions says:

    Extremely relatable! This was like a walk down memory lane for me. Thanks for putting a penned connection from my past to my present for me to enjoy. I’m glad I found you on my path. You’re writing is brilliant to me.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much! I’m so glad my piece resonated with you! ❤

      Like

  41. littleladyanonymous says:

    The way you’ve written 🔥🔥👍so beautiful and relatable.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much! ❤

      Like

  42. My! What a beauty this piece is! It’s well put!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much! Glad you liked it ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  43. menu makers says:

    very eerie…has this been me!

    Liked by 3 people

  44. artsyats says:

    I relate with this post so much, amazing.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      I’m so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you so much ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  45. xtina says:

    Omg this was absolutely beautiful! You’re an amazing writer and this was so powerful. So honored that someone as talented as you just followed my blog. I just followed you back. Seriously great work!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Natalie Swift says:

      Thank you so much! That means more to me than you could ever imagine ❤

      Liked by 1 person

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