Fall to Power

Whatever we did, we did for power.

Money. Love. Beauty. Respect. Family.

Power to control, to seduce, to create, to morph.

Science to control our surroundings, psychology to control ourselves. Society to control our world.

Everything you could have possibly yearned for, anything you could want, in the end, was merely a tireless quest for dominance.

It sounds vain, even as I think it. To reduce the entire of our lives, all our hopes, our dreams, our drive, as they would say, to one pathetic power-play.

But to be vain itself is a power, to have the power to be vain, to be selfish, to think only of oneself. A luxury. How we wasted it.

Don’t be like that, they would tell us. Serve. Adapt. Fulfil. 

Be selfless, sans the self, shrink yourself, smaller, smaller, until you no longer exist.

How can you want when you are not in being?

You are content, they told you. Happy. This is what happiness feels like.

How were we to know?

It’s why we fell in the end, I think to myself.

Because there was that ‘more’ lingering in the air, more power over the other person, loved more, respected more.

Big words like ‘unconditionally‘ and ‘forever‘ thrown about, disrupting the balance.

When we fought over the TV remote, the restaurants, who paid the bill, who fed the cat, who took out the trash. Hands flying, head shaking, dishevelled, letting loose, words spewing out of red lipstick, I remember, there was so much red towards the end.

How trivial, we thought, how mundane.

In the end, it was those little things that did it.

We laughed about it afterwards, of course, hands clutched together, eyes smiling, mingled sighs and half-hearted apologies.

But the more was still in the air, whispering, scheming.

They say that when you go deaf, it starts off as just a small humming in your ears. And then day after day, night after night, it slowly drowns out the world around you, until it’s all you can hear.

That was what it was like, this ‘more‘. It was like going deaf, deaf to what you have, right before you. More, more, more. 

When we pretended we didn’t care, hurting, hurting so much, battered, broken, tired, oh-so-tired. That was about power too.

Apathy. Ignorance. The less you care, the better. The less you know, the less you care. Close your eyes, go in blind, go in deaf, more, more, more.

We craved the imbalance and we paid for it. The scales finally tilted. We fell.

In the end, we fell, falling, falling, was that power?

Was I happy, then?

I can’t remember.

The fall was a grey blur, a single whoosh, a rush of blood to the head, passion, lust, rage, hunger, us gasping for breath, breathless.

It was breathtaking, as they would say.

That’s not always a good thing.

Photo by Yessica Villalobos on Unsplash


125 thoughts on “Fall to Power

  1. How apt that a piece about struggle for power itself reads like a struggle for power, struggling to hammer a point home while also retaining peripheral aspects, if you will, linked to the epicenter. Powerful (haha) piece of work here.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words 🙂 I love yours as well!

      OctPoWriMo has been a very welcome challenge, especially after having abstained from writing for about three years now. Thanks for the wishes!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Mmm but is it even possible to ‘just be’? I feel like we search for control unconciously, and even if that doesn’t manifest in evident actions, we’re always driven by it… what else would you live for, if not for stability?

      Liked by 1 person

    2. You can always train and discipline your subconscious, you know, but it’s not of everyone, as it implies a generous amount of meditation to reach enlightenment, but the question is, are we here for that? i don’t think so.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Beautifully written and awash with truths; however, I also believe that the overriding impetus of all creation is the need to reproduce. If I squint at this fact, I can rationalize that it is also a form of power. As in “My genes are better than yours therefore I must be reproduced and given a thread into the future” Thank you for your thought provoking lovely writing. Jane

    Liked by 4 people

  3. i took issue with your statement that science wanted to control when it really seeks to understand and from that understanding comes new human abilities in the sciences .. i thought it was a lovely piece that i only found one thing i disagreed with.

    it’s good … add it to your stack of writing you have left to do

    Liked by 2 people

  4. Wow! Your writing style is very unique and awesome. I love how your words paint a picture with the emotions they invoke. I’ve never read anything like it!
    Have a great day,
    -Mrs. B

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Please may I have your permission to link back to your blog in my next post? It’s about how certain bloggers have inspired me to become a much better blogger/writer, and hopefully bring more like-minded people together. How does that sound?

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Your prose is very eye-opening and thought-provoking! Especially when I write about “yearning for more” in my About me page. 🙂 The line “Shrink yourself smaller until you no longer exist” reminds me of what my father tells me. How he “becomes” nothing. To me, he means everything, yet I wonder if it was related to selflessness.Anyway lots to ponder about, thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. That was one huge rollercoaster ride! The climb and in the end the whoosh back to the starting point. It feels like the game of life is really trying, I hope I play mine well enough to rise up too! P.S I’m still at the climb. Hope you have a nice day!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for the nomination! It really means a lot to me that you think I deserve it. However, as I’m trying to keep the site award-free, I’m afraid I won’t be able to put up a post to accept it. Thank you so much for the gesture though.
      And congratulations on your nomination! You deserve it ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I enjoyed how you opened with a bit of a grand philosophical treatise, applied it in the middle section to personal/mundane life, and closed on a societal note. I’d sort of like to know a bit more, in technical terms, about the philosophy that went into writing this piece – it seems to takes a rather cynical stance toward modern life in the developed world. Please correct me if I’m off base about any of this. I’m just rather sensitive to ideology in art, in others’ work and in my own.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Haha I guess it does sound rather depressing, now that I go back and read it.
      Well, the piece started as just a flicker of a thought: what actually spurs all of us to act? What’s the one thing we all strive for, throughout our lives?
      The usual answer would be happiness, or security.
      But when I asked myself this, I found that ‘power’ was a much more appropriate response.

      Especially today, with the rampaging #metoo movement, the Brett Kavanaugh controversy, there’s been so much talk about ‘power’ as a whole and how it affects our lives. And I think, partly, this piece was inspired by this.
      Of course, the male-female dynamic, and its relation with power is a lot more direct. But digging a bit deeper, I feel like semblances of the same dynamic is all around us, in all our relationships, with parents, partners, ourselves.

      Between parents and their children, the very need to have children: it sometimes feels like all you want is a barbie-doll to dress up and play with: you control every single thing they do, and what they will do for the rest of their lives, what they’re thinking now, and how they’ll think until the day they die.
      It must be heady to experience that: a state of total and complete dependency.

      Even personally, I can’t deal with any lack of control unless its on my own terms. I can’t deal with losing control over my day, so I set up routines, habits. I can’t deal with losing control over myself, my body, eating well, keeping ‘in shape’, its all related. If I decide to let loose for a while, it has to be because I gave myself permission to do it, not because I couldn’t control what I was doing. It’s what I tell myself. Small difference, but mentally, it means a lot to me.
      Even people who seem very laid-back, easy-going, I feel like the power gets to them too. The very action of ‘not caring’, it’s powerful. To say ‘I don’t care’, there’s that rush you get, it seems silly, but there’s this freedom in just saying the words. I don’t care. Freedom and power are two sides of the same coin. You can’t have freedom unless you have power.

      Directly or indirectly, though it’s certainly a bold statement to make, every single thing we want today is linked with power, whether we know it or not.


      Liked by 2 people

    2. The idea that the desire for power animates human action is an interesting one, and certainly one that has been examined by many philosophers. Personally, though, I disagree with the notion that power is any person’s primary ambition. It can often be a ruthlessly cynical and simplistic way of looking at society. (Not that I’m calling your thought processes cynical or simplistic – I’m more thinking of Karl Marx and the nastier of his ideological progeny.)
      I don’t think many people, when asked, would say that their greatest desire is power – much less, power over others, except maybe for control over one’s friends or foes. However, I think maintaining power over one’s own actions (self-ownership, in philosophically libertarian terms), as you described in your own life, is absolutely critical. When we have power over ourselves, we can pursue our desires (for power or otherwise), act on our morals, and so on.

      Insofar as children and parents are concerned: Yes, parents have almost limitless power over their underage children, but it seems to me that most parents accept an unspoken, platonic ideal: The child is worthwhile in and of himself/herself. For the parent, it’s not so much about the joy of having power over a developing human being, it’s the joy of contributing to the circle of life, of providing for someone who can’t immediately return any sort of material benefit to you. But I’ll be honest: I don’t have children, nor have I ever participated in a romantic relationship. However, I have been a child; and my perspective is a synthesis of my experiences with my parents, as well as some amateur philosophy. Also, forgive me if I have misinterpreted anything that you said. From my perspective, I’ve made your view of child-rearing sound a bit more insidious than I think it was meant to.

      And I agree with your point that there is power, though perhaps not material power, in saying “I don’t care.” The ability to say eliminate others’ control over you through apathy comes with a great deal of interpersonal might. By saying, “I don’t care,” you force the object of your lack of care to scramble to justify his/her appeal for your attention – and that is quite powerful indeed.

      Liked by 3 people

  8. Choice is the basis of everything you said there. We are in control and can either choose to rise above or to fall, to exploit or be exploited, to enslave or be enslaved. To look back on all our choices, good or bad and end it all in joy or sadness.

    Liked by 3 people

  9. YOU are a Beutiful Soul, Shining their Bright Light on humanity. You speak Your TRUTH …………….Do not sell Yourself short. In Your prologue it mentions You write ‘fiction’………..You need to change that…………You are in touch with your TRUTH. Have a Beautiful Journey

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Bonjour ! Je profite d’un peu de temps pour surfer sur des blogs inconnus que je découvre. Un bel article incitant à une envie de revenir. 🙂 Au plaisir d’échanges qui sait ? En vous souhaitant une bonne fin d’après-midi plein de soleil !

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Bonjour à vous aussi!
      Quoique je peux comprendre le français assez bien, je ne suis pas très familier de la langue écrite. Donc, pardonnez-moi si mes pensées ne traduisent pas comme ils le devraient. Je suis si heureux que vous avez bien aimé lire cet article. Ça compte beaucoup pour moi que vous avez pris le temps pour visiter et faire des remarques.
      Merci bien pour cela! ❤


  11. Thank you for following Journal of a Young Buddhist Radical. Your post on Fall to Power was quite insightful about the nature of power itself and the inner struggle with the vanity of it all, struggles which King Solomon puts forth in Ecclesiastes quite profoundly. As I read your post it seems like you were talking about many of those in power today in Washington. Much to think about. I should re-read it. James

    Liked by 1 person

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