Faith

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Fortune. Destiny. Fate. Callings. God.

These secrets of the human race, those tantalizing tidbits that lie forever undiscovered.

These beliefs for which there can never be enough witnesses, never enough stories.

I heard it, they’ll say. I saw it with my own eyes.

But the what-ifs are always stronger.

. . .

Do you remember- those days when we told ourselves that if we wished for something hard enough, it would come true?

Those nights where we’d close our eyes, clasp our hands together, and murmur, again and again, this secret wish, willing it to life.

Or maybe pluck an eyelash, hold it against our thumbs, whisper a prayer with our breath.

Please, we might have said- to who, I’ll never know. I’ll do anything.

This silent desperation: I’ll do anything.

The world was simple then, a game of trade, an eye for an eye. If we did this mysterious ‘something’, plucked enough eyelashes, it was only fair- we reasoned- only fair to give us what we wanted.

Those countless conversations about what you could ask for, why some things work and others don’t, what we’ve done wrong.

The incessant questions, us bent over, trying to figure everything out, as if belief was just a puzzle, and if we shifted the pieces around enough times, everything would finally make sense.

The moments of hysteria, telling ourselves that it doesn’t matter; so, so close to giving up.

How long did it take us to understand? How many times did we have to be burnt?

. . .

And here we are today.

The inevitable shattered faith.

Maybe it happened in a single instant, a flash of light, eureka. I’ve had enough.

Or perhaps it was the cool receding of a wave, a void that stretches out further and further, until you realize the water’s all gone and it’s just your feet are steady on the sand again, free from the pull of the ocean.

Here we are, edging away from the fire, once burnt, forever shy. Some things just can’t be forgotten, can’t be forgiven.

Learning to rationalize, to justify, to reason.

Bred with well-thought-out opinions, cold facts and frigid certitude.

Bled out of all blind belief, all idealism.

We learn to forget, the magic of a faith in something that might not exist.

We learn to forget: that exquisite moment of the leap, not knowing whether you’ll come out the other side whole. But we were broken too many times.

. . .

Now: eyes wide open, opening doors with knives clutched behind our backs, sleep with daggers resting by our side.

Burn the bridges that have let us down so, so many times before.

We are level-headed, sober. Our feet steady on solid ground, in control.

Isn’t this what we’d wanted? Isn’t this safer, more prudent? Haven’t we finally figured it out, that there’s nothing worth trusting but ourselves?

But here’s what we’ll never tell you, here’s what we’ll never admit.

The jealousy, the sneaking doubt, it never truly leaves. When they say: I heard it. I saw it with my own eyes.

We’ll snub and dismiss, scorn and sneer. How naive, we might say. It’ll never last.

But inside, those flickers of doubt; singeing, searing doubt. Pretending the doubt doesn’t exist, as if it’ll disappear if we ignore it long enough.

The doubt, the what-ifs, the maybe’s, that eternal second of hesitation, that single leap into the void.

Belief. Tantalizing, taunting, tormenting belief.

Them, with their iron-clad blindness, leaping from the cliffs, coming back whole, euphoric. I saw it with my own eyes.

Us, with our memories, our scars, snickers and sneers.

Faith, this single, impenetrable divide, soaked in blood, brewed in death.

Faith. Belief. Trust.

I heard it. I saw it with my own eyes.

How long will it take for you to understand? How many times will you have to be burnt?

Fortune. Destiny. Fate. Callings. God.

Soaked in blood, limbs strewn all over, skulls lying discarded, forgotten.

Where’s your evidence?

Where’s your faith?

I don’t believe in you.

You, You, You.

Where is your faith?


Photo by Fischer Twins on Unsplash

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195 Comments Add yours

  1. Sanket Rasal says:

    While reading this I felt like, am I reading a passage from Paulo Coelho’s book. You are amazing. Writing on topics like faith; peoples quickly take faith to religion things. And it’s strenuous job to write on such aspects because I think there is a thin line between FAITH and GOD and it’s a delicate subject, you’ve done this so impeccably.

    Also, you are a great writer. Whatever we write it must come from our heart. Some writers writes in hiatus, not because they can’t scribble daily but the logic is when you write it has flow and fall down from your heart to soothe peoples. We readers love to read what you write but it’s okay to take time. Indeed you take time for perfection but; that’s the result your words are unconventional.
    (P.S: Sorry, but that’s just a point of view and suggestion to you from a small writer;me)

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you so much for this, Sanket. I’m delighted to hear that. Faith is a sensiitve topic, and I have to admit: I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to pull it off without sparking controversy. It’s that one thing people are unrelentingly defensive of, and it’s hard to be unbiased and nonjudgemental yourself.

      And I appreciate the feedback. The writing process is different for different people, but for me, the delay only springs from pure laziness. I simply enjoy ‘having written’ more than writing itself. I am hardly sparked by those eureka moments ( or maybe I’m always under the influence of one)
      When I finally do get the piece up, it’s not a result of a spark of an idea, only the culmination of small thoughts I’d been too lazy to link together earlier.

      My compulsive editing often does more harm than good. A friend of mine once told me that there comes a point in writing when you’re no longer making the story better, you’re only making it different. That’s something I resonate with.

      But to each, their own, right?

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Sanket Rasal says:

      Absolutely! But whatever, you’ve became my favorite; my ‘Heart Balm.’

      Liked by 2 people

  2. The Endurer says:

    Absolutely mesmerizing and heart felt. For me I envisioned so many scenarios but felt the strongest was a vision of staring in the mirror wondering why that void in there is the crevices of one’s mind and your words then come! Powerful.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much, Tony. I’m so glad it resonated ❤

      Like

  3. Beautiful blog.. You are an amazing writer..! 😃

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you, Neha! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    2. My pleasure to cross the path of a splendid writer..!

      Liked by 2 people

  4. blossomd says:

    Take a bow Shreya!! You’re an amazing writer….. love reading all your posts😊👍👏

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you so much! I’m delighted to hear you’re enjoying my work ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  5. You’re absolutely right, faith doesn’t have to do with religion. And I have faith in you……to write beautiful, meaningful work 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much. That means a lot to me ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this. It truly means a lot ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Jackie says:

    I nodded many times in silent amen. You captured the tension between faith and reason, the movement between blind faith and sightless cynicism, with such ease, in everyday, yet poetic words. Wonderful!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much, Jackie. This truly means a lot.
      And I love the way you’ve said it: “blind faith and sightless cynicism” ❤

      Like

  7. “Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” Keep hoping and keep believing. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That’s a beautiful way to put it ❤
      What else can we do?

      Like

  8. Pia Majumdar says:

    Shreya your writing is so serene and blissful, loving it ❤ ❤

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much, Pia. This means a lot ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Pia Majumdar says:

      Welcome dr 🙂 ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. galindojoe says:

    True. True to the core

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you, Joe. I’m glad it resonated.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. galindojoe says:

      Yes madame. I already added you on my Twitter. My Twitter account is called Maldastania. Please, give me your email so I can send you my free e-book Freemind to your e-mail tray.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Beautiful blog, beautiful presentation, beautiful article. Very sharp thoughts expressed here. We need to know that faith and religion are opposites. Faith makes us human, makes it possible to trust, love fearlessly. Religion uses faith to tear us apart.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment.

      My knee-jerk reaction was to agree with what you’ve said- becuase I’ve said the same thing to myself so many times- but now, I find myself holding back because there are so many places where faith and religion blur together, to such an extent that it’s impossible to tear them apart. And often, this results in something just as beautiful as a personal faith: a shared, communal belief that can bring people together with the strongest of bonds. And of course, sometimes, this results in terrible situations where people come together only to destroy and are blinded to all other faith. But it seems wrong to ignore that other side of religion, even if I can’t completely understand it.
      I suppose I’m not sure whether it’s right on our part to dismiss all these communities that people have forged together out of religion. Some part of me fears that’s as narrow-minded as claiming that your religion is the only true one…

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Thank you Shreya! You have been truly blessed to witness religion bringing people together beautifully, bonding them harmoniously. I crave to know of such. I follow no religion. But I believe. I believe in universal powers of love, humanity. If a religion does exist which enforces this, I would love to know of it. Searching…

      Liked by 2 people

    3. Perhaps not at a global level, but in a small scale, within the smallest groups of people, I do believe a shared belief can be powerful. I’ve never experienced it myself, but throughout my life- especially since I come from a religious background- I’ve seen it all around me. And it’s confounding, it truly is, because I can’t understand that sort of a blind faith, but I can see the comfort and hope it gives them, and it’s such a beautiful thing… and in those few precious seconds, when I chose to pretend that I had that sort of a faith in me, I could feel it, what you’ve said: “the universal powers of love, humanity.”
      But in that train of thought, maybe religion is only another way to reach this destination, to seek out community, to share love.
      Maybe the idea that religion is an end unto itself if what makes people so frenzied and unrelenting when it comes to empathy for other communities.
      But this is just a musing. Thoughts?

      Liked by 1 person

    4. I have always understood religion as a means to discipline faith, to bring and hold together, a community that shares one particular belief system. Ironically, religion which was created to aid in experiencing faith, has become ‘faith’ itself. Hence the intolerance for other religions as each one sees their path as the right one, the right ‘faith’. This is all purely my belief system. And I would be really excited if I were to meet someone who follows a religion that permits pure unadulterated universal faith. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    5. “religion which was created to aid in experiencing faith, has become ‘faith’ itself”
      Exactly. I think we’ve started to focus too much on these small details, like the rituals and prayers and texts which were only ever meant to aid in your belief. In the end, what matters is that you have hope. And whether that’s through a nameless conviction, belief in a higher power or a series of actions that are significant to you, how does it matter? The end result is all the same…

      Liked by 1 person

    6. Thank you Shreya for sharing with me possibilities other than my experiences. Really appreciate it.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. gpavants says:

    In God, not myself.

    Liked by 3 people

  12. Hummingbird says:

    I enjoyed very much 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

  13. It takes a lot for me to pay attention to someone else’s writing on this site. I am usually only concerned with what I am writing and posting. I have a short attention span and really need something that stands out for me to read it for longer than two seconds. But I read every word of this post and felt like the original visceral feelings that inspired the words were transmuted straight to me. Thank you for posting.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. I feel the same: it takes a lot for a piece to hold my attention for more than a perfunctory glance, and I’m extremely protective of what I choose to read.
      So what you’ve said here truly means a lot: I’m honored you felt that way. Thank you for this ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Sometimes we find ourselves in a perpetual loop of faith lost and faith gained. A powerful post – thanx for sharing!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. I seem to be in that loop all the time… thank you! I’m glad it resonated. ❤

      Like

  15. Anand Bose says:

    Your narrative on faith is a moving piece of philosophical literaure. Anand Bose from Kerala.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Anand. This means a lot to me ❤

      Like

  16. This is a beautiful piece as always Shreya! Much love!

    Liked by 2 people

  17. Monish Nule says:

    Must Appreciate your the way you think, man. Amazing Work, keep it up!!!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much, Monish. That means a lot<3

      Like

  18. connetta says:

    I’m always amazed that thousands of people can write thousands of thoughts. A day ,all different and unique. No two works alike.I’m glad I finally got around to checking out your work. You kept me reading. I like that.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Mmm I’m surprised that after all these aeons after aeons of thinking, we can still make new connections, still say things that people want to hear. Some days, when the words don’t come, I worry that this is it, I have exhausted myself, this is the end and I’ll never be able to write again. But I always manage to get through. I wonder though, if one day, I won’t. That scares me, more than anything else…

      Liked by 1 person

    2. connetta says:

      Relax. I have had that feeling creep in often over the years. I think it goes with having words follow me everywhere. I’m 66 now. And can confirm. You will have no choice in the matter. Anyone can write but a writer is always writing. I find that I write my best when I think I can’t write..Especially with lyrics. Words find us.we simply write them down in ink.

      Liked by 1 person

    3. It’s funny, I would say the exact same thing: I write best when I don’t want to. It’s so strange, most of what comes out when ‘inspiration’ strikes goes nowhere. Possibly because I edge around the words, afraid of ruining it, not sure whether I’m up to shaping the piece right. High expectations inevitably dampen any creativity. On the other hand, when you actually expect the piece to be terrible, it mocks you and turns out better than you could have ever hoped.

      I honestly can’t believe it when writers tell me they write when the words come. If I wrote when the words came, I would write never.

      I love what you’ve said here: words find us. There’s something so true in that, you can feel it. And it’s a comforting thought: nothing you write is ever truly yours, and hence you can never blame or pride yourself on it.

      Thank you for your testimony from the other side of the spectrum. It’s good to know we’re all tied up here…

      Liked by 1 person

    4. connetta says:

      I never know if I’m doing it right. In grade school my mom moved us from a small town school to a army base school. The army school was 2 years aged and I totally missed poetry. Teachers insisted that I could do it but to this day I feel insecure. I’ve yet to find “rules” for free verse, no one seems to know the right or wrong of it. I tell myself all the time I’m going to stop writing. Then a bucket of words spill out into poems,bugging me unroll I write them down.. My favorite always my last one written..I can recite them all. Like their planted in my brain forever .I used to feel weird,like something was weird about it all. These days I just go with it.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. You are a wonderful writer! Keep going!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much for this.<3

      Liked by 1 person

  20. I write too but when I see a deep one, I pause and appreciate. Bleeding on paper is the best… This got to me… Keep It up

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for this. I’m so glad you enjoyed it.<3

      Like

  21. “Or perhaps it was the cool receding of a wave, a void that stretches out further and further, until you realize the water’s all gone and it’s just your feet are steady on the sand again, free from the pull of the ocean.”

    Sometimes you come across a metaphor that fits something so perfectly you not only think “that’s perfect”, you also think “how can metaphor be so perfect?”. I think losing faith as sometimes a receding wave is an excellent example of that.

    Four nearly 15 years I have frequented a forum for discussing religions In all that time, I do not often recall any non-believer saying they still hear the call of faith, or that they doubt their skepticism. There have been a few, but it’s usually quite the opposite. But from what little science I’ve read on the subject there is good reason to believe they are mistaken about that.

    Really, who knows why so many people do not recognize the near impossibility of losing all faith. A whole lot of people are not that deeply insightful into themselves. That could be one reason. I’m sure their are others.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Rajender.

      Like

  22. You truly captured the ebb and flow of faith.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Patricia. So glad it resonated.

      Like

  23. Wow. Your writing is amazing. You had me hooked! I love what you had to say.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Hayley. Glad it resonated!<3

      Like

  24. I love your writing, I can only wish you lots ofbsuccess, health and long life Shreya.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Michael. Back at you ❤

      Like

  25. TersePoptart says:

    Hey! I love it! Honestly, my struggle is same. I almost didn’t write for a year because I didn’t feel it would come out as perfect as I wanted to. But don’t stop writing, no matter what. Even if it’s not perfect, let us see it.Because the little imperfections make your writing seem real, otherwise the lot of us feel we would never be as good as you. Looking forward to seeing more of it.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I agree. When you’re in that moment, it’s just hard to see beyond the block…

      Liked by 2 people

  26. riya says:

    There is no qualm that you did a great job.. Faith is what that brings a great sense of confidence inside us and make us believe that the thing we are trying to do is will work soon.. A person should never loose hope and faith in any circumstance. . 😊😊😊😊😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Riya.

      Like

    2. riya says:

      My pleasure.. 😊😊😊😊

      Liked by 1 person

  27. antonia_ says:

    Wow amazing writing!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Antonia.<3

      Liked by 1 person

  28. kloydecaday says:

    Hello there. This is good writing. I’m on the crossroads, and faith is something that either boggles or fascinates me. I am just new here in WordPress (2 weeks actually), and I also wrote about my mental health (or lack thereof) overlapping with my spirituality. Here it is: https://kloydecaday.wordpress.com/2019/07/27/anxiety-attack-on-a-sacred-time/

    Good job for supporting self-expression/mental health advocacy through writing. I appreciate it if we follow each other and keep on blogging. Thank you!

    Like

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