When dreams die.

When I was younger, I’d always dreamed of becoming an astronaut one day.

It made no sense, of course. But that’s why they called it a dream. It distorts our reality, disfigures our truth.

Reality was a fluid thing, those days. Malleable, willing to be shaped into whatever we wanted, whatever we asked for. We held our world there, in the cup of our hands. Our fat little fingers, delicate skin, we had power in them.

That was a long time ago.

All of it was a lie.

We never knew loss then, we had nothing to lose.

We never knew doubt and suspicion and wariness and an ever-present fear of change.

We never knew that hope- in the world, but also in ourselves-would leave us some day.

But most of all, we never knew what it would be like to stop dreaming.

They kept us in our gilded cages and told us we could fly.

It was only when we broke out that we realized we could fall too.

. . .

Time flies by, dragging us along with it. Our dreams become fragile things. They sneer, mock, shame. They speak in strange pragmatic voices, or in firm all-knowing reprimands.

They tell us it’ll never work, they tell us we’ll never work.

They die.

That’s the worst part.

They die too easily, and they die too fast.

In that single second of hesitation, just a flash of realism- we’ll never make it– there: you’ve killed it. There, it’s gone.

And our dreams, they’re immature, vengeful things. When they die, they don’t go down quietly. They suck out all the hope from you, all the joy, everything that once made you human, everything that kept you living.

Not just alive- living. There’s a difference in that. Passive and active.

Only a dream can keep you living.

. . .

My dreams don’t come as easily these days.

They’re less outrageous, less hopeful. I dream bitter, I dream resentment.

I dream of the past.

There are worse things than death, I find. There is the empty-eyed, empty-hearted sort of life that isn’t life at all.

Days when you can no longer dream of the future, only look back, with a wistful sort of a hope.

A spectator to yourself, watching on, but never looking. Hearing, but never listening.

Passive. Stagnant. Nothing.

You can breathe and eat and sleep and your dream will still die inside you and that will kill you.

A death that leeches off you from the inside, until your body has rotted as much as your heart.

I fear this day, and I run from it.

I run because I remember the days Before, so close to losing myself, so close to disappearing.

I remember time blurring out into something inconsequential. Today folding into tomorrow, dissolving into yesterday.

I remember waking up, feeling that inevitable spark of hope, and then watching it die as I realized there was nothing to look forward to.

I remember being dead inside.

I remember this happening all of a sudden, over decades, with no trigger. Nothing made sense. It never did.

Today, you may have a purpose, a will to keep going, and it might vanish into thin air tomorrow, no warnings, no explanations.

I fear the day where I will not want to keep dreaming.

I fear the moment where I will stop and decide that it isn’t worth it.

I fear the empty-hearted, empty-eyed life that I could live, if only I closed my eyes and slept.

. . .

Photo by Johannes Plenio on Unsplash

. . .

PS In May 2019, I will be moving to a new web address. I’m shifting to a personal domain and I’m so, so excited for you to see it.

Buying my domain is giving me so much more freedom for new features, design, and I can’t wait for you to get started there.

But on the downside, all those of you who’ve subscribed to my blog here WILL NOT be notified of new posts anymore.

I’d hate for you to miss out just because I’ve shifted addresses, but WordPress doesn’t offer anything to straighten this out.

So to make sure the change is as smooth as possible, I’d be so grateful if you’d enter your email ID below so we can stay in touch.

You can opt-out any time, no hard feelings. I hate spam and I’ll only be reaching out every two weeks or so for blog updates, I promise. Thank you, again, for all your support.

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182 Comments Add yours

  1. Beautiful work! You are very talented!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, Ryan!<3

      Like

  2. Nina says:

    So beautiful. So tragic. And so real. But despite all of the hardships, let us not stop dreaming. Stay inspired, Shreya~! I fall in love with your writing everyday. ♥

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this, Nina. This means the world to me. ❤

      Like

    1. Thank you, Hamed!

      Liked by 1 person

  3. vdevb7 says:

    Amazing writing. It deeply resonated with my own feelings.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much. Delighted to hear you enjoyed it<3

      Liked by 1 person

  4. nerueru says:

    Sorry I’m a spam commenter. I was compelled to say I’m just through the first section and my brain is raising a full glass to toast. It is a Yes. 😭👌

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha thank you so much, Neru! I hope the rest of it is a yes as well XD

      Liked by 1 person

    2. nerueru says:

      You have no idea. You’ve helped me so much-you have no idea! I’m sure others must’ve commented the same. 😌 I’ll thank you at the end 😁

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Haha, delighted to hear that, Neru. Looking forward to seeing you around!<3

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I have found that the hardest periods in my life have always been those periods where my dreams have died.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Nothing worse…

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Anand Bose says:

    Beautiful thoughts. Anand Bose from Kerala

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you, Anand.

      Like

  7. Reblogged this on Dreaming of Arabians and commented:
    We dreamers often lose confidence and consider giving up, but at the same time, it is impossible for us to exist without following our dreams. The following blog post says it much more eloquently.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you so much, Carla. This means s lot 🖤

      Liked by 1 person

  8. This is depressing and hopeful at the same time and I can totally relate. I get so excited about an idea and then I jump on setting up websites (paid for bc I’m stupid) and then they don’t quite seem right. I think you’ve visited my two main ones, Dreaming of Arabians and Pennatus Equii. Anyway, I have a friend that says, just make a decision, whether it’s right or wrong and stick with it. Also, why couldn’t you have been an astronaut? Thanks for visiting my blogs, I think you’re the only one that does. Lol

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha I can relate… don’t worry, it only gets better from there. And I agree: sometimes that’s all you can do. Jump in blind and go through with it the whole way. Thank you for taking time to read and share your thoughts here 🖤

      Liked by 1 person

  9. This was an awesome piece of work. Thank you for sharing it. Captivated my thoughts and gave a voice to the experiences I have had. Keep on writing and keep on dreaming, you have a gift.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. I’m so glad it resonated. ❤

      Like

  10. Wow! Have you watched the documentary “Heal?” It is a pretty thorough look and how our thoughts, our inner environment, contributes to our physical responses (illness or healing). Just wondering how prolonged thinking such as this in the essay would eventually impact the health of such a thinker.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. No, I haven’t but it definitely sounds interesting, Cherise. Will give it a try. Thanks for the recommendation!<3

      Liked by 1 person

  11. RAK says:

    Shreya Vikram

    You have a great talent.
    You are worthwhile.
    You must not give in.

    I’ve taken God out but the rest what Niebuhr wrote is true:

    Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
    Courage to change the things I can,
    And wisdom to know the difference.

    Have courage, Shreya. And continue.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. This was so thoughtful of you, Ricky. Thank you. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  12. thepensmight says:

    A very powerful, yet sad reflection. One point I will challenge, It was not all a lie, but we were schooled to no longer see the magic. We are taught that only the empirical matters, except in matters of faith. Also, I don’t think our dreams die. Some, we realize, will not become real, because that time has passed. I think we hold onto those dreams that speak to the heart of us. You may not be an astronaut, but you are still reaching toward the stars. Often, we get in our own way, or don’t do the work needed to fulfill our dreams. As Piet Hein (http://www.archimedes-lab.org/grooks.html} wrote:

    ON PROBLEMS

    Our choicest plans
    have fallen through,
    our airiest castles
    tumbled over,
    because of lines
    we neatly drew
    and later neatly
    stumbled over.

    Phil Harris ~ lifenart1@gmail.com

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I love this, Phil. It reminds me of something I was saying recently, that the point of the dream was not to become an autronaut or run for President, but the thought behind it, like power or fame. There’s a sharp difference in that and we most often don’t recognize it. And the poem was beautiful<3

      Liked by 2 people

  13. You have such a mesmerising way with words. Its completely inspiring.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you. I’m delighted to hear that<3

      Like

  14. <3, really reminds me of the days where I look forward to sleeping only after awaking. Thank you for this sad but true piece.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. reebzcom says:

    It surely is worth the read!!!!

    Liked by 4 people

  16. Fantastic piece. The way you express yourself is amazing! I’m looking forward to reading more.

    Also, I’m honored to have you as my first follower. Thank you so much for that.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you so much, Todd.
      It was my pleasure. I’m looking forward to reading more from you as well. Good luck! ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  17. Wow, this is such a beautiful write up. I loved and enjoyed every bit of it. Nice one, Shreya Vikram.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I am glad about your personalized site, Shreya, and as such I’d like, very much, to be a part of it.

      Agboire.aaron@gmail.com

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Thank you so much, Aaron. This truly means a lot<3

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Karl says:

    Yeah, that worse place than death you describe? I’m there. It doesn’t happen overnight.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. It definitely doesn’t. But once you recognize the place you’re in, it’s my experience you get out of it the same way you leapt in: slowly, imperceptibly, one moment at a time, one belief after another. Have hope and good luck, Karl.<3

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Karl says:

      Leapt isn’t the word I’d use, but I get your point. This far down the line, hope can be rather sparse. But I have moments. I am glad I found this post.

      Liked by 2 people

  19. wow! You have so many fans and such great comments, I really have nothing else to add, but I want to follow your journey and see where you go! Beautiful writing lady!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Haha thank you! This means so much<3

      Liked by 1 person

  20. mbrazfieldm says:

    greetings and love from LA
    wordslessspoken has nominated you for
    The Mystery Blogger Award!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much. I might not be able to put up a post to ‘formally’ accept the award, but I’m honoured to be nominated<3

      Liked by 1 person

    2. mbrazfieldm says:

      🙂 your an awesome artist

      Liked by 1 person

  21. JaiiiiLynn says:

    Wow, that was real… and very beautifully told. I really felt your words.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Jai. This means a lot.<3

      Liked by 1 person

  22. The Poets Peace says:

    this is so artfully articulated i cant help but love it. Plus its relatable which makes it even better.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you, Lazarus. Delighted to hear that.<3

      Liked by 1 person

  23. kari23m says:

    This is beautifully written. Strikes every chord

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Thank you, Karishma.

      Like

  24. kbr0632 says:

    So very depressing as this is what I am going through now. I want to have hope but I am afraid I have nothing to look forward to. But..I want to try to have hope. My days are so hard…. I used to beg for death to come upon me. My boyfriend and I just broke up.I just lost my mom 6 months ago…my dad passed 2 years ago. I am alone. But..I pray to have some hope that I will not feel this way always. It’s so hard not to lose hope. Dreams die. This is so me..hate it.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m so sorry. Just reading this makes my heart-ache: I can’t possibly imagine what you’re going through… the amount of courage and strength it would take to just simply survive: it dazes me. Hang in there. You’re stronger than this. You’ll get through, one day. You’ll get through because you’ve come so far, and you know you’re not going to give up now. You’re not going to stop until you’re in the light. You know that.
      Sending love your way ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    2. kbr0632 says:

      It’s so hard. Many times I obsessed all day about how I could end it. Today is an okay day although the tears are ready to flow. It’s so easy for them to flow. I am so scared of the future. I am scared of today. I have panic and major depression (where I physically feel sick) so it’s hard for me to want to be around others, but I am going to push myself…and might go see a band this weekend. My heart aches. I want my mom back. My security has been taken from me. Thank you for your words of encouragement.

      Liked by 2 people

  25. Your words have expressed something that I am going through now… at the age of 56… when I realised the dreams that motivated me as a child and for many years after have died. I no longer believe in myself… so I want the struggle of the day to day to be over. Nothing is ever good enough for me anymore. How the hell did I get here? THANK YOU for expressing this all so well.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Hang in there, Michael. It’s my belief that when one dream dies, there are always other ones that step forward. Dreams, after all, are the only way we know to live. We were built to live. Only we take longer to recognize new hope.
      I hope this piece allowed you to find some solace in a shared pain. I hope you find the strength to dream always and dream outrageous<3

      Liked by 3 people

  26. Roland Legge says:

    Shreya, I am moved by your poem about dreams. I can relate to your poem. I agree dreams are so important. It is more challenging to hold on to dreams these days if I listen to too much news. I have signed up follow you wherever you land.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much, Roland. I agree. It’s hard to keep dreaming but I suppose the alternative is never truly a choice.Only a consequence of neglect…

      Liked by 1 person

  27. The death of dreams is painful and also freeing. This piece is beautifully written. Congratulations on your blog move Shreya😘🌹

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Very true… there is momentary freedom is the release of a dream’s chokehold, though you soon discover that the pain overwhelms. Thank you, Adaeze!❤️

      Liked by 1 person

  28. This blog post resonated so well with my feelings these days. It provides an unusual comfort in knowing that we are not alone the way we feel about our unrealised dreams and the fear of an uncertain future. The key is to keep the hope alive, to keep dreaming.

    Thank you for this amazing post.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. “The key is to keep the hope alive, to keep dreaming.”
      Exactly.
      Thank you, Rishav. I’m so glad it resonated<3

      Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed it<3

      Liked by 1 person

  29. Sanket Rasal says:

    Shreya is back with a bang in hiatus. This is so good. Also I’m excited to see your personalised page. sanketrasal88@gmail.com

    Yes, dreaming is important and more important is to try to achieve them if one really wants so. Unfortunately, we all came up with, sitting on our bed and only think about those dreams. And now we all are regret of it. Nothing is in our hand now. But at least we can tell our little one’s to believe in their dreams and tell them to take step towards their dreams. At least after few years they will not stand at a position where we’re right now.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha a shorter hiatus this time. I think I’m getting better at it. Thanks, Sanket! I’ll add you on the list.

      Exactly. Though the entire follow your dreams message sort of withers away by the time you grow up. I feel like there’s always a very sharp transition from you-can-do-anything to didn’t-you-know-we-were-kidding-you’re-older-now-stop-being-stupid. Even if it’s not outright, it’s there in our schools, in our friend circles, in our families, in ourselves. Somewhere down the line…

      Like

  30. Imageraza says:

    Hey, I wanted to become an astronaut as well!

    Seems like failed astronauts like to become bloggers. ^^

    Dreaming is so important.
    If we stop we´re literally nothing more than some fleshy envelopes…
    what a disgusting describtion, sorry.

    Please never stop.
    Looking forward for your new domain! 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Haha for once, I’m glad I failed.;)
      No, not at all. I write things like that all the time, it just never comes out of the first drafts.
      Thanks!<3

      Liked by 1 person

  31. Shivang kr says:

    The beauty. Heart warming going through it. Each word feels connected! Great

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much, Shivang. I’m so glad it resonated<3

      Liked by 1 person

  32. Meha Sharma says:

    Poignant and beautiful. I too worry at times about that moment when I might wake up one morning and have nothing to look forward to in life!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Glad to hear it resonated, Meha! Thank you for taking the time to read and comment<3

      Like

  33. I think I’m going to respond to this post by shamelessly inflicting an email on you, Shreya. Obviously, you put so much work into this that I would feel like a vandal to not put a little work into responding to it.

    By which I mean, I can imagine a beautiful building some good people have teamed up to construct, and then someone comes along one night and spray paints “Wonderful” on its exterior. Not quite my idea of giving something its due.

    But here’s what I’d like to say immediately. As I see it, the core theme here is the importance of dreams, ambitions, visions for ourselves to our passion for living — or lack of it. To my mind, that raises the question of whether or not there are alternatives to dreams when it comes to instilling our lives with passion?

    Just so you know, that’s a question I hope to discuss with you via emails.

    Thank you for such a thoughtful and thought-provoking post. My insufferable email should arrive sometime today.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Haha thank you, Paul. I’m honoured you felt that way. What you’ve said here says so much about the kind of person you are. We need more people like you in this world.<3

      Liked by 1 person

  34. Dr. Agonson says:

    Hit the nail on the head.

    Liked by 3 people

  35. This is so beautiful even though I am suffering from something else 💔 right now (our youngest dog whom I consider my baby 🐩 named CHiCO passed away), still this blog warms my heart somehow…🔥 Thank you and kindly count me in on your next journey, my e-mail is: hispoutingprincess@outlook.com and best luck in reaching your dreams!❤️💕 — 🐧

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’m so sorry. Glad this piece could offer little comfort<3
      You're on the list: thank you for your support. I hope you find the strength to dream always and dream outrageous.

      Like

  36. Anisha says:

    Wonderful piece of writing! It was so relatable.
    That killer part.. I’ve thought it’s only me who imagines such wierd stuff.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Haha I’ve found that if you’re thinking it, then everyone else is as well, no matter how insane it is. We all have our secrets, but at the root, they’re all the same secrets, only no one will admit it…

      Liked by 1 person

  37. Read Emil Cioran. Passive nihilism has its perks.

    Liked by 3 people

  38. nickreeves says:

    Sad that WP can’t accommodate, isn’t it. Anyway, sounds like you’ll be happier – dream easy.

    (Great post BTW)

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Ah, it’s because I’m moving to self-hosted… I only wish there was a way to move with my readers. Oh well. It had to be done someday, I figured this month was as good as any. Thanks!<3

      Liked by 1 person

  39. This is breathtakingly beautiful.
    I could relate with every string of word.
    Well-done, Ma’am. ❤️

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Zephyr. That means a lot.<3

      Like

  40. KEMwriting says:

    Dreams are a fickle thing and require much attention and energy. It was a joy to read this and best of luck with the new blog!

    Liked by 3 people

  41. landzek says:

    It is an interesting sort of selfishness how we love to go through these vacillations.

    Indeed I could never bring myself to uphold the good belief. I think that’s why the “good“ dream always failed in light of another thought of I can’t do this, or some other defeating idea.

    What happened for me was I gave up the idea that my ideas had any substance at all.

    And then what happened is these great vacillations of excess stench oh doubt in futility stopped.

    Because I had completely given up on any idea of living even while I still lived, because I was totally in capable of killing myself, and even in light of that some accident could happen that I would die, it never happened.

    When I had the total another realization that my thoughts are indicating nothing true at all. Accompanied with the fact that there was no type of reasoning which it could make me realize such a ridiculous idea.

    It was then that things changed.

    Before that, nothing changed except the incessant changing and insecurity that I was trying to find into hanging onto a secure a thought.

    Good luck!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. “What happened for me was I gave up the idea that my ideas had any substance at all.”
      This line rang so true to me, because I’ve personally been here so many times. But what truly intrests me is how you’ve interpreted it. It reminds me of something I read in the book Girl, Interrupted: “It was only a part of myself I wanted to kill, the part that wanted to kill herself.”
      This is something I thought about as soon as I read your comment: the bright side of not being able to trust your thoughts is that the very idea that you can’t trust your thoughts is untrustworthy. So in the end, you end up detaching yourself from that voice that has told you that you’re untrustworthy in the first place, because that voice by itself is part of you and hence, cannot be trusted. Does that make any sense at all?
      In the strangest way, I get exactly what you’re saying here but can’t make sense of it on paper… thank you for this, landzek. I’ve possibly left you an extremely confused reply but it’s such an intriguing concept and I’d love to give it more thought<3

      Liked by 1 person

    2. landzek says:

      🤘🏾. Why do I take my thoughts Sooo seriously? ☺️. What is really mattering?

      Liked by 1 person

  42. mylilplace says:

    Beautiful and profound. I know many of us adults can relate to this. All the best with your new blog and I am glad to see that you are keeping your dream alive. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you. Haha, me too!<3

      Liked by 1 person

  43. Very deep write up. Dreams are valid. It’s all in the mind and how hungry we are ready to die for our dreams. Sometimes, we have to do other things on the road to achieve our dreams.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. True. Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here, Desayo<3

      Like

    2. Thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece 💗

      Liked by 1 person

  44. Beautifully written, and it resonated deep with me. My dream was to follow in my grandmother’s footsteps and become a nurse. Now I just dream of being able to walk again.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. That’s terrible. I hope this piece could offer a little consolation in empathy. Sending love your way<3

      Liked by 1 person

    2. You probably remember that I broke my hip last year (almost a year ago to the day). I’m still learning to walk differently with the impact of having femoral screws in my hip, and sometimes the metalwork is extremely painful. I fell again last week and my husband was advised to take me to A&E – but an x-ray told us that the bone and fully healed (it wasn’t, at my last x-ray).

      My career may have been thwarted (and I’ll never work again, being epileptic, autistic *and* needing a wheelchair) but I gain my happiness from my beautiful adult son, a loving mother and sister, and my husband. My best friend also visits as regularly as she can. I have lots of close friends who always know how to make me smile.

      I try to remain positive, and I have a gorgeous new great-nephew who absolutely imprinted himself on me when I met him. I really do have so much to be grateful for 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    3. Your strength and courage is truly awe-inspiring. Honestly, I have nothing to say. I hope you continue to find this happiness within you wherever your go. Stay in the light. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    4. My happiness lues in helping people. I miss my job as a care assistant, and I dreamed of being a nurse, but my health meant that I had to give all of those dreams up. I’ve had years to adjust to that fact – it’s the broken hip and the metalwork that is my new challenge now. And… I’m honestly okay with it. Sometimes it’s painful, but I’m learning to adjust.

      As long as I’m kind, and as long as people feel that they benefit from my friendship, then my previous dreams don’t really matter all that much 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  45. let's read says:

    Such a lovely post. Inspiring.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you. I’m glad it resonated.<3

      Liked by 1 person

  46. poetkisses says:

    I’d love to be on your mailing list. poetkisses@gmail.com

    Looking forward to checking out your new domain in May!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you so much. I’ve added you to the list!<3

      Liked by 1 person

  47. Everytime I read your work you teleport me to a new world…I love this post.

    If you make it, add fredahenda2@gmail.com to the list of subscribers.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much for this, Ahenda. I’m delighted to hear that ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  48. Beautifully emoted. I still believe dreams come true. They do manifest. They just wear a different mask so I don’t recognise them 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Mmm that’s a comforting thought. As in, the dream isn’t actually becoming an astronaut or running for President; it’s doing something bold, something that sets you apart from everyone else. So often, we don’t truly know what the dream is, becaue it’s not always a tangible thing…

      Liked by 4 people

    2. Yes that is what I mean. The dream carries a different persona when it comes true. Like you say, “the dream isn’t actually becoming an astronaut or running for President; it’s doing something bold, something that sets you apart from everyone else.” Perfect!<3

      Liked by 2 people

  49. Lion Prince says:

    Hi Shreya, you’re so right about the difference between just being alive and actually living life. I received an email notification for this post, and your story that you shared in it inspires me a lot. Thank you for sharing your piece with us. Much love from a fellow dreamer!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you so much for this. Coming from a writer I personally respect, I’m honoured to hear you thought so. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  50. fenlandphil says:

    Two quotes:

    It is better to light just one candle than grumble about the dark.

    If you aim for the stars you might not reach them but you won’t end up face down in the mud.

    Personally, I believe we live our lives in our minds and half of that in our dreams.

    You only need to look at Stephen Hawking, to see what the mind can achieve when there is little else.

    Liked by 5 people

  51. the dreams we all had as children, they’re, a representation of what our futures are capable of, and as we grow older, our paths got narrowed, and we were only, able to, live just one dream, and sometimes, that dream that chose us, isn’t even the one most fitting for us to live in…

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Very true. But I guess you’ll never know, what would have happened, what path your life may have took, if you followed a different dream…

      Liked by 1 person

  52. librepaley says:

    Amazing piece, like being taken on a journey through night.

    Liked by 4 people

  53. It’s every one’s greatest fear I suppose. Beautifully captured.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Thank you, Richa. That truly means a lot.

      Liked by 1 person

  54. Beautiful post, Shreya! I have no words to convey how much I can relate to your post. Crushing of your dreams in in instant is like a clean break; but, letting your dreams slip away from you slowly is akin to a torturous death.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Exactly. I’m so glad it resonated, Debjani. Thank you for taking the time to read and comment ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  55. Aarnav Gupta says:

    This is so beautifully written! Loved every line of it!

    Here’s something I had written, which had somewhat of a similar theme. https://aarnavg17.wordpress.com/2018/06/02/the-future-that-we-dreamt-of/

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I’ll definitely check it out, Aarnav, Thank you for taking the time to read and get back to me ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  56. Jk Sharma says:

    This is Amazing! Every line has own mean… Superbbb writing.

    Liked by 4 people

  57. Very eloquent. Yet filled with so much melancholy.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Sangeet.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Glad to have stumbled upon your blog. 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  58. The Warden says:

    Maybe it’s just my perception, but it seems that your writings of late have reduced imagery in favor of philosophy. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just really enjoy extensive, visceral imagery. Besides, your musings are often just as worthwhile. I read this piece as a challenge to live for something, to carry some sort of dream throughout one’s life. After all, the only alternative to having that sort of meaning is blind, futile existence in the here and now. Moreover, I think this message is important; I often forget what I’m working toward, and am content to go through the necessary motions of life, only taking a moment now and then to really appreciate a song, a work of literature, a metaphysical concept, or a spiritual belief.

    It’s possible that the nihilists are right, and that objective meaning is a fabrication. But, quite frankly, I think the individual needs something valuable to pursue, regardless of whether or not such pursuit is ultimately pointless.

    One more thought: I’m not sure that I agree with the idea that living a meaningless life is truly worse than death. Which is not to say that meaninglessness is not horrible–it certainly is. But no one is scientifically certain of what happens after death. Death could be truly miserable, but I suppose that’s a question of theology or philosophy more than science. Besides, while alive, a person still has a chance, in theory, to find meaning. And I rather doubt that death offers such an opportunity.

    Anyway, apologies if my extended sophistry has bored you. Although I imagine I could shirk the blame onto you for penning such a thought-provoking piece. However, I must also apologize for any errors, grammatical or otherwise, within this comment, as I have declined to proofread it. As always, I wish you the best of fortune with regards to your writing.

    P.S. Congratulations, in advance, on your new site!

    Liked by 6 people

    1. You’re right: I’m actually experimenting a little, trying to find my ground. I’d thought that I was already settled into my style, but it turns out we’re learning and unlearning our styles all the time. It’s disconcerting, to realize that I still haven’t snuggled into a good fit. Somewhere between the imagery and philosophy…

      “The individual needs something valuable to pursue, regardless of whether or not such pursuit is ultimately pointless”
      Exactly. Whether that destination is an illusion or not, I think we need to be assured of some element of control over our future, convince ourselves that our actions have weight; worthwhile consequences. Otherwise, what would be the point of anything?

      On death: I referred to it as a synonym for complete non-existence- that’s all we know today. When you think of death that way, there’s a little comfort to be taken in it, to know that there’s nothing beyond it. So while you won’t have the opportunity to redeem yourself, you also won’t have the chance to regret, feel pain, know loss. It’s the end. You cease to exist.

      I’m struggling to get this into words, but in my mind, it seems as though all our dreams are just incentives to keep us moving, milestones we can celebrate. But we inevitably reach the final milestone: death. And if that destination comes sooner than was expected, then that’s not something you control, is it? You careen towards it whether you like it or not.

      Dreams hold choice in them, a responsibility. With that choice, comes grief. But life holds no such choice, and death holds no time for grief. I think there’s freedom in that.

      I doubt I even know what I’m trying to get across here. Reading my comment again has only succeeded in confusing myself. Hopefully, you can make more sense out of it than I have.

      As always, I’ve enjoyed your extended sophistry, though that wouldn’t have been my word of choice. Thank you for your wishes. I noticed you’re shifting a little towards discourse on your own page, and I’m enjoying it as much as the fiction… but is there any reason why?

      Liked by 2 people

    2. The Warden says:

      I see where you’re coming from in terms of death being comforting. I guess my different perspective comes from the fact that I don’t have many significant regrets, and that I also have a deep fear of not existing, as there’s so much I still want to do in my life.

      I’ve always been very opinionated, especially on issues of politics. In my free time, I’ve been casually studying various political ideologies, especially anarchist ones. I’ve tried to set my own moral views aside while doing so, in order to understand the essential philosophical principles behind a given ideology. Being a sticker for proper nomenclature, I find it annoying when people throw around terms like “socialist” or “fascist” in order to smear their opponents, so I try to clarify such terms.

      Anyway, I decided to see what sort of response my commentary would receive from the online community. I haven’t gotten as large a response as I have previously gotten on my fiction…but a libertarian socialist liked one of my political articles, which was surreal, since I am decidedly not a socialist. But anyway…

      I haven’t stopped writing fiction, though. I’ve actually written several short stories and various other fragments over the last few months. But the longer things are pieces that I might want to submit to a local fiction contest, and the fragments are still demanding to be lengthened before I do anything with them. I’ve also been submitting sections of my novella, Son of Enlir, to a local English club, and I’ve gotten some helpful feedback on it. I don’t know whether I’ll put the new edition up on my blog or not. But I’ll try to put some new fiction fragments up, just to let everyone know that my blog wasn’t just hijacked by some wannabe pundit.

      Liked by 2 people

  59. Powerful, Shreya – glad u gave us a way to stay in touch in your new domain/move. Fear can be a powerful motivator, as much as letting things be and pass. Life is too complex for one fix, and you railed it rightly!

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Ps – glad I found u on Twitter too 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Exactly.
      Thank you, Felipe. I’m so glad it resonated.<3

      Liked by 1 person

  60. kuudere1 says:

    “I fear the empty-hearted, empty-eyed life that I could live, if only I closed my eyes and slept.” As we all should.

    And may I mention, that is a verrry trippy picture you pasted in the beginning of your blog post. I really like it!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you, Malavika.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Malavika K says:

      You are welcome Shreya 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  61. Agyani says:

    Not really sure if only a dream can keep you living. It is one of the most powerful motivators, I agree, but curiosity and love are also in there, I think.

    Oh and, do add agyani@agyaniapproach.com to your list of subscribers when you make that move to a personal domain! I hope it works out for you. 🙂

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Mmm there is that… but I feel like without a purpose, or a destination, we’re all stagnating, moving nowhere, running with no finish line. Love keeps you alive, but it doesn’t give you an incentive to outdo yourself; love is a destination by itself. Curiosity for the sake of curiosity, on the other hand, is pointless. It’s an aimless sort of wandering. Thoughts?

      Thanks! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Agyani says:

      On the contrary, Shreya, I think love gives you the opportunity to outdo yourself on a daily basis. To be a better person for the sake of another, to constantly strive for someone else’s happiness, is also something that makes one living. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t say that it is the only way to be living, just like I said I’m not sure that dreams are the “only” things that make you living. 🙂
      Stagnation for some could be constant rejoicement for others.

      Liked by 3 people

    3. I love the idea of that. I suppose there are just too many perspectives you can take on this to reduce it to a single equation.

      Liked by 2 people

    4. Agyani says:

      You got that right 😀

      Liked by 2 people

    5. Hey, I’m having trouble adding your address to the list… says it’s invalid. Maybe because it’s a business email address? Or is the spelling off?

      Liked by 1 person

    6. My bad. The address is fine. Sorry for the trouble!

      Liked by 1 person

    7. Agyani says:

      Haha, glad that it’s resolved!

      Liked by 2 people

  62. Alex Perez says:

    I hear theme music rising behind part II. A march from a 1940’s Superman cartoon perhaps..

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Haha now that I’m reading it again, I can’t unhear it. Funny how
      I never saw that before…

      Liked by 2 people

  63. Thank you for sharing this post
    Some words take strength to write, honest and beautiful piece of writing

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Thank you. I’m so glad it resonated. ❤

      Liked by 2 people

  64. sinclair says:

    “Then you would get more and more adventurous and you would make further- and further-out gambles what you would dream. And finally, you would dream where you are now. You would dream the dream of living the life that you are actually living today.”

    Thank you for this piece, well placed in time.

    with love,
    sinclair

    Liked by 5 people

    1. kuudere1 says:

      Damnit, we do dream in circles, don’t we?

      Liked by 2 people

    2. That was beautifully put. I suppose we’ll all have to come full circle one day.
      Thank you for taking the time to read and share this here.<3

      Liked by 1 person

  65. Abhijit Ray says:

    A dream keeps us going.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. It definitely does, Abhijit. Thank you for your presence here<3

      Liked by 2 people

  66. lynyo says:

    Dreams and hopes, so wonderful but yet always so dangerous! Thanks for sharing

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Very true. Thank you for taking the time to read and share your thoughts here.<3

      Liked by 1 person

  67. Tom Burton says:

    This was such a wonderful read! 😀 Best of luck with your new domain – sounds really exciting! ❤

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you so much, Tom! That means a lot<3

      Liked by 2 people

  68. Pia Majumdar says:

    Such a beautiful post to read in morning, penned nicely Shreya ♥️♥️

    Liked by 5 people

    1. kuudere1 says:

      Surely was.

      Liked by 4 people

    2. Thank you so much, Pia. That means a lot<3

      Liked by 3 people

    3. Pia Majumdar says:

      welcome dr, so sweet of you ❤ ❤

      Liked by 3 people

  69. Nirant Gurav says:

    Beautifully penned 👏 💯 mate !!
    Keep going and so relatable !!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. kuudere1 says:

      Is penned the more popular term? I use “write”, so hearing that is a little funny, hehe.

      Liked by 3 people

    2. Nirant Gurav says:

      Hehehe it’s up to us 😉

      Liked by 2 people

    3. Thank you so much, Nirant! Delighted to hear that<3

      Liked by 3 people

    4. Nirant Gurav says:

      Pleasure always for ur beautiful stuff ☺️

      Liked by 1 person

  70. hmaxwell217 says:

    Sometimes if you face the demon that take away the light, or hell it keeps you in the dark that’s the perfect time to dream. It is always something to look forward to always,always. you may weep at night but joy,joy comes in the morning. May you find strength my friend

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Thank you. I wish you the same<3

      Like

  71. auldlangsoul says:

    I relate to this so much! And is well written too. I always wanted to write something about this but all my emotions and ideas were too all over the place that i thougt i might confuse readers if i did write about it. but yours, I looove! Thank you for sharing this.

    Liked by 5 people

    1. kuudere1 says:

      Yeah, it’s always well expressed, all this discombonulation in these pieces, from this person, to the point where we as readers understand it and reach for it, not fear and retract. Thanks for helping us understand your chaotic experiences and POV, oh great poet!

      Liked by 3 people

    2. Haha, all our first drafts are like that. I could hardly make any sense out of mine: I had no idea what I was even trying to say. It took me a month to straighten all the kinks out and I’m still not fully satisfied…

      Liked by 1 person

  72. Saneesh Sukumaran says:

    This is so relatable. Beautifully written 👌

    Liked by 6 people

    1. Thank you so much, Saneesh. I’m glad it resonated.<3

      Liked by 1 person

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